The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer (1947)

A kerfuffle-prone artist Dick (Cary Grant) catches the affection of highschooler Susan (Shirley Temple), who happens to be the younger sister of the judge (Myrna Loy) he was brought in front of. The court decides to drop all charges, and in exchange Dick will date Susan until her infatuation subsides. What could possibly go wrong?

Forty two year old Grant was twenty four years older than his co-star, but Susan’s math revealed that his character was thirty five. Band leader Rudy Vallee plays another annoying antagonist. He’s a man who knew a thing or two about dating teenagers. His third wife was nineteen when they married. He was forty two. Marital bliss lasted less than eight months.

This film is yet another example of classic Hollywood’s infatuation with underage girls. But to the film’s credit Grant’s Dick, that is to say, his character, doesn’t for a moment imply any attraction to Susan. And Temple’s performance is fairly innocent. It’s all played off as an awkward situation.

Temple is actually pretty good. She never made it as an adult actress and I believed there were reasons for this. Her singer/dancer/actress skills were cute when she was ten but now she was going up against the likes of Deborah Kerr, Vera-Ellen, Audrey Hepburn, Ava Gardner, and Cyd Charisse. She simply wasn’t in that class. Fort Apache may be in my future.

Grant is always interesting to watch but he doesn’t give off painter artist vibes. Perhaps a writer would have been more fitting. Age appropriate Myrna Loy is also great. The court-ordered courting of a minor makes The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer a fairly screwy screwball comedy, but it's not among the funniest. It has some good moments, but also some extended unfunny bits. AMRU 3. I will end with a real-life Rudy Vallee quote:

“People called me the guy with the cock in his voice. Maybe that's why in 84 years of life I've been with over 145 women and girls.”

Deadline at Dawn (1946)

While on a drinking binge with a floozie, naive sailor Alex (Bill Williams) pockets a wad of her cash. Once sober, he tries to return it only to find her dead. For reasons that make the film go, he decides he must find the murderer before he ships out at 6:00 AM. World weary dance hall girl June (Susan Hayward) helps for the very same reason.

Quite a bit is going on here. Dead Edna was up to no good and her brother is a notorious gangster. More people enter the circle of suspects. There are also a number of amusing side characters, like Babe Dooley, the washed up ball player (apparently modeled after Hack Wilson), the philosophical taxi driver, and a dance hall patron who means no disrespect.

This is the first film with Susan Hayward as the lead. She was quite good in the hard boiled role, having to recite some pretty ridiculous lines. When sailor boy says something unexpected, she replies “let’s pause for station identification”. It was just as awkward on screen as it seems. Gangster Vic has a few gems of his own. "People with wax heads should keep out of the sun."

Deadline at Dawn is an entertaining watch, and the cheesy dialog only adds to the amusement. Sailor boy may have been a pretty weak protagonist but Hayward was quite charming. AMRU 3.5.

“She was no lullaby, but she had the brains, like a man.”

Boxcar Bertha (1972)

During the depression, Bertha (Barbara Hershey) joins up with a union rabble-rouser (David Carradine) and a card cheat to become outlaws. David’s dad John plays the evil rail baron.

Director Martin Scorsese was given an opportunity and a script from Roger Corman. This opportunity allegedly came with a requirement to include nudity, possibly every fifteen minutes or pages, it’s unclear. This didn’t stop Marty from being clever with his storytelling. Unfortunately there is only so much he could do with this sow’s ear. Famously John Cassavetes told Scorsese that was too good to be making this kind of shit.

Boxcar Bertha was rumored to be based on a true story, but it's not. This may have been a stunt to cause audiences to associate it with Bonnie and Clyde, a far better film. But story and acting performances aside, Boxcar Bertha isn’t hard to watch. And at 90 minutes, it doesn’t overstay its welcome. AMRU 3.

Forbidden Zone (1980)

Exchange student Frenchy discovers that a door in the host family’s basement leads to the sixth dimension. Excitedly, she enters to discover a bizarre world ruled by a jealous queen.

Richard Elfman, brother of Danny, scratched together money to finance a film featuring his band of street performers, known then as The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo. What was captured on screen was an absurdist, frenetic performance unlike anything. Like a twisted Alice in Wonderland, the king (Hervé Villechaize) takes a shine to her but Queen Doris (Susan Tyrrell) won’t just stand by. The cast of characters is too numerous to list. Brother Danny plays the Devil and sings Minnie the Moocher.

Originally shot in black and white to give it a German expressionist vibe, it was digitally colorized in 2008. The lack of sharpness is noticeable but the colorization isn’t if you didn’t already know. The sets appear to be made from trash bags, cardboard, and markers but still show a high level of craftsmanship. Despite the very small budget, around a hundred grand, Elfman lost his shirt. And his house.

Forbidden Zone has scenes most will interpret as racist, misogynist, or homophobic, and will be offensive to those who are so inclined. Elfman disputed this, but did change a blackface scene into clown-face. It did see success on midnight showing.

I’ve only just scratched the surface. There’s a dancing frog-man, a topless princess, a chicken-boy named Squeezit, and so much more insanity. Love it or hate it, one thing is certain. You can’t take your eyes from the screen. I’m rating it AMRU 3.5, but I feel there is just no way I won’t see it a second time.

From the Earth to the Moon (1958)

With the Civil War over, war profiteer Victor Barbicane (Joseph Cotten) sees profits drop. He gathers together his war monger friends for a proposition. He has invented Power X, a powerful explosive unlike anything ever seen. Problem is, it’s too powerful to demonstrate it on Earth. His plan is to fire a rocket to the moon and detonate it there. To convince investors, he performs a demonstration on Earth. President Grant catches wind and makes him promise not to blow up the moon. So instead he decides to travel from the Earth to the Moon. Skeptic Nicholl (George Sanders) comes along for the ride.

This was a big budget production under RKO, who went bankrupt during production. The budget was slashed and the film was released by Warner Brothers, which may account for some of the plot holes. But it is riddled with them, and there is no excuse. Grant was not yet president at the year the movie is set.

Pretty Debra Pagent is Sanders’ daughter, smitten with Cotten’s assistant. She did a lot of genre pictures until one tragic day she turned thirty. She is apparently still with us, just celebrating her ninety third birthday. Henry Daniell appears in a small role as one of the war mongers. Script wiz Dalton Trumbo was hired to give the script a tune up.

From the Earth to the Moon is of that strange sub-genre of High Tech Victorian sci-fi. See The Time Machine (1960) for a better example. But this isn’t the problem. The story is quite messy in parts and, try as they might, lacks drama. Wasn’t painful to watch, but should have been better. AMRU 2.5.

Murder Ahoy (1964)

Jane Marple (Margaret Rutherford) is elected to a board of trustees that funds a nautical themed program for wayward boys. Another trustee says he learned damning information about the program, but dies before he can explain. Heart attack, say the police. Bad snuff, says Marple. She invites herself aboard the program ship to do some snooping.

Not that it matters, but I intended to watch the four Marple films in release order. Both this and Murder Most Foul were released in 1964, but this was the last. A fifth was planned but never materialized.

Marple must find the secret, find the murder, and discover what else is going on. Quite a bit is going on. But rest assured, we get there in the end. The viewer can't investigate along because of hidden information and many red herrings. But I did guess the culprit, but that had more to do with spotting the pattern than spotting the clues.

Murder Ahoy isn’t a great mystery, nor a great comedy, and Rutherford isn’t very believable as a detective. Agatha Christie wasn't a fan of the casting. But the movie is entertaining enough, for 90 minutes anyhow. AMRU 3.

The Story of Mankind (1957)

Mankind has invented the “Super H-Bomb”, and if they detonate it, the Earth and all men will be destroyed. Women too. A tribunal is held in Heaven to decide if mankind should be allowed to destroy itself. Advocate for the defense is The Spirit of Man (Ronald Coleman). Mr. Scratch (Vincent Price) advocates for destruction.

The “Master of Disaster” Irwin Allen assembled a large cast of stars by promising one day of work for $25,000. Several big names appear in cameos: Virginia Mayo as Cleopatra, Hedy Lamarr as Joan of Arc, Peter Lorre as Emperor Nero. The three main Marx Brothers appear and this is sometimes included as an official Marx Brothers film, but their screen time is brief and they don’t appear together. Scenes of action and of large set pieces were borrowed from better films.

The storybook version of world history is illustrated with Mr. Scratch pointing out the war, cruelty, and injustice, while The Spirit of Man points out the occasional scientific discovery or work of art. I’m glad they acknowledged the treatment of native americans, but much is still hand-waved away. The prosecution’s case is pretty air-tight.

The Story of Mankind is a cringy vanity project. It doesn’t earn its all star cast or grand scale. It’s a dull, tedious watch whose only real entertainment is to play spot the fading start. But that too gets tedious. AMRU 2.