Kismet (1955)

A sharp-tongued poet (Howard Keel), who somehow made it to adulthood before learning you can’t make money from poetry, is mistaken for a beggar. He goes along with it. A notorious thief mistakes him for the man who put a curse on him that lost him his son, so he cons his way into being paid to release the curse. Things are going great but soon he is arrested by the Great and Mighty Wazir (Mr. French), his daughter (Ann Blyth) falls in love, and coincidences keep us all so very entertained.

Kismet is the forth and best remembered version of the 1911 play of the same name. Stylistically it falls in line with a great many musicals made around that time. Brightly colored, expansive sets, heavily rehearsed period pieces with family friendly stories that also border on the naughty. See Seven Brides, Kiss me Kate, Brigadoon. Grand spectacles, if you’re into that sort of thing.

If you’re vexed by all the honkies in Arabia remember that this is 1955 and suspension of disbelief rules the day. Particularly out of place is the Grand Caliph and teen heartthrob Vic Damone. Why he wasn’t in more films is wondered by nobody. But don’t judge him too harshly. He’s just a teenager in love.

Old friends Monty Woolley (The Man Who Came to Dinner), Jack Elam (Kansas City Confidential and just about every low budget western imaginable), and Jamie Farr make appearances. This is first film I’ve seen directed by the guy who gave Liza her last name.

Not a bad thing if you’re into the genre. I tolerated it well. I expected an “Oh, that’s where that song comes from” moment but there was none. People who whistle show tunes will be more familiar. But for me, AMRU 3.

Calamity Jane (1953)

When a saloon in Deadwood discovers the pretty Francis Fryer of New York they booked isn’t actually a pretty woman, but in fact a dude (and not a very pretty one), the boastful Calamity Jane (Doris Day) promises to bring in the famous Adelaid Adams. She travels to Chicagie but mistakenly brings back Adelaid’s assistant instead.

The story is really just a framework for the music and Rom-Com story. Howard Keel played Wild Bill Hickok as one possible romantic partner. Of course the cute-as-a-button Doris Day plays the butch Calamity Jane, because a real tomboy would have been out of the question.

This is the first Day picture I’ve done for this project, not because of any disrespect, but because her typical uptempo fluff falls outside of my typical interest. That said, I do find myself appreciating fluff for what it is. And what it is isn’t too bad. Day’s numbers are rather good and she is downright charming.

So, who was Calamity Jane in real life? First, let’s begin with Buffalo Bill. William Cody spent time in the old west and in later years profited by exploiting the public’s fascination with the subject. One of his acts was Martha Jane Cannary, a woman whose claim to fame was exaggerating her association with Wild Bill Hickok, a man who was genuinely famous for exaggerated his life stories. Anyhow, Martha called herself Calamity Jane and told stories, before dying in a drunken stupor at fifty one.

You cannot fault Calamity Jane for being historically inaccurate. Martha Jane herself made up everything she didn't exaggerate, and the film even played up her exaggerations. This here is nothing more than yet another fanciful retelling of a decidedly invented story. And not too bad of one. AMRU 3.5.

“Oh, that’s female thinkin’. And nothing’ll get you into more trouble.”

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)

Hunky mountain man Adam Pontipee (hunky Howard Keel) needs a wife, so he heads into town to fetch one. Of course with the women folk being in short supply in the old west, he is assured there are none available. Not to be dissuaded, Adam sets out to do just that.

Adam happens upon young, pretty Milly (Jane Powell) and after forty seconds of convincing, she agrees to be his wife. Once to the Pontipee homestead, she quickly learns that her fate is less of a mountain wife and more indentured servant to Adam and his six boorish brothers. She hatches a plan to con her unsuspecting friends in town to share in her personal hell. But first she must civilize these ginger barbarians.

What a silly-ass movie! Not exactly a girl-power kind of film. At one point the men kidnap the six women and keep them prisoner over the winter to woo their hearts. Ah, traditional marriage! Here's what I found interesting:

MGM was convinced it would be a flop so they cut the budget and made sets instead of shooting on location. The cheesy sets added to it's camp appeal and it was a huge cash cow for the studio. The movie featured catwoman Julie Newmar as one of the captured women. Also, I realized after seeing it that two principle actors were in horror movies I've seen (Keel in The Day of the Triffids and Russ Tamblyn in The Haunting).

The choreographed numbers were quite impressive, if you like that sort of thing. There was a long take wood chopping song number that was technically impressive. Also a barn raising dance number that took almost half of the shooting schedule. Musicals aren't exactly my bag, but it still held my interest. My wife likes them and otherwise hates old movies, so I took the opportunity to watch it with her. AMRU 3.

"A man can't sleep when he sleeps with sheep."

Day of the Triffids (1962)

"And I really got hot when I saw Janette Scott fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills ..."

Oh, they spit poison AND kill. I get it now. Actually, o'll Janette didn't do all that much fighting. She just screamed while her alcoholic, passive-aggressive husband did all the heavy lifting. Ninth of eleven movies referenced in Science Fiction/Double Feature. Seven down, four to go.

Impressive meteor shower captivates the world. Only, two things. First, everyone one who watched it wakes up blind the following day. Secondly, plants spring up and start eating people. Oddly, it's the blindness they are most disturbed about.

A sailor (Howard Keel) with bandages on his eyes survives with sight, but wakes to a society that is all but shut down. No transportation, no communication, people panicking in the streets. He finds a sighted orphan girl (who I had to check to make sure wasn't the "hot" Janette) and brings her on his quest to find out what is going on.

A side story is of Janette and her angry husband, alone on a lighthouse doing some sort of research. They are too busy bickering to watch the light show, so they remain sighted. But some spores take root on their island paradise and Janette screams a lot. I understand that the movie was too short, so the whole lighthouse segment was added later. Janette Scott and husband Kieron Moore were "by special arrangement."

Poor video quality, slow pace, silly looking monsters, and little suspense. This movie could have been done better, but what can you expect from a bunch of Brits. Still, I'm glad I watched it. AMRU 3. One scary thought was of the people in an airplane. Everybody is blind and nobody at the tower to talk them down. Good thing only one airplane was in the air.