Sugar Hill (1974)

When ruthless businessmen knock off a night club owner, his girl (Marki Bey) turns to voodoo for revenge.

Charles Robinson plays Fabulous, one of the top honkey’s top henchmen. He is better known (to me anyhow) as Mac from Night Court. He passed in 2021, 27 days before Markie Post. Only Dan Fielding and Roz are left.

Bey appeared in a handful of low budget films before doing a handful of TV appearances. She called it quits in her early thirties. She is pretty enough, but she lacks that Pam Grier charisma. Also, her character lacks agency. She is present for many of the kills but serves merely as bait. She doesn't even summon the zombies. She turns to Mama Maitresse for that.

Sugar Hill is a by-the-numbers blaxploitation revenge film with the added benefit of zombie mayhem. This film could have been just a series of revenge killings of the ruthless thugs, and it is. Unlike Kuroneko, the only questions are who will the zombies kill next, and how. But like the previous film, the undead are the good guys. AMRU 2.5.

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)

Dr. Phibes (Vincent Price) returns with a plan to revive his departed Victoria (Caroline Munro) that involves Egypt and the River of Life. Unfortunately he discovers that his mansion was destroyed and his precious Egyptian papyrus stolen. So, he recalls faithful assistant Vulnavia and heads to Egypt. Voice-over narration retcons the first film so that this one could happen.

Did you want more Phibes? Because you got more Phibes. Lots of him. You even have his lair, replete with organ and clockwork musicians, slightly dressed up to appear like it’s inside an Egyptian tomb. And Phibes now has a nemesis but they share very little screen time. They mostly follow parallel stories that converge in the end.

Valli Kemp substitutes in for the pregnant Virginia North as Vulnavia, and if it were more than a while since you saw the first film, you might not notice. Let’s for a moment appreciate the name Vulnavia. So evocative. Caroline Munro returns as Victoria, again uncredited. She spends most of her time in a box. Peter Cushing and Terry-Thomas make cameos.

The way Phibes repeatedly says her name (and Victoria’s) was both irritating and opens the question as to the nature of their relationship. Studio in-fighting caused scenes to be deleted, which required Price to record additional dialog to explain the story (even though he wasn’t hooked up to his Victrola).

Dr. Phibes Rises Again is dragged down by the added exposition. This and the lack of someone for Phibes to directly interact with spoils the film's better moments. And the principal conflict just isn’t as compelling. It has the bones of a worthy sequel, but still a half step below. AMRU 3.

House of Usher (1960)

A young man (Mark Damon) visits his fiancee (Myrna Fahey) at her family estate only to discover that he is in an Edgar Allan Poe story.

This is the first of eight Poe stories that Roger Corman made over six years. They were his first color films, all starring Vincent Price, and considered to be among his best.

If I ever read The Fall of the House of Usher, it was a very long time ago, so I can’t speak to the movie’s faithfulness. This follows the expected story line. Roderick’s sensitivity to sound and light, the family curse, the premature burial, the literal and figurative fall of the house. I believe the biggest change was the addition of the love interest. I covered a 1949 version here nine years ago but have no memory of it. There’s a 1928 silent version but I can’t seem to find it.

Price always delivers, even with poor material. And to be fair, this material isn’t poor. Sci-Fi legend Richard Matheson adapted the screenplay. My biggest complaint is with Roderick’s constant exclaiming “Don’t you understand!” when nothing was even remotely explained. But I am sure this is a fault of the source material. Some things make more sense on the page than screen. AMRU 3.

The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)

The US military is testing a new “plutonium” bomb but it fails to detonate. Soldiers are ordered to stay put but when a civilian plane crashes inside the test site Colonel Manning leaves the safety of his trench to try and rescue the pilot. The bomb detonates and Manning is caught in the blast. He is not expected to live. Miraculously, his skin grows back overnight and doctors are stumped. Things escalate when he starts to grow and his behavior becomes erratic.

One doesn’t expect a “radioactive giant attacks Las Vegas” film to be rock solid with the science, especially when the title sounds like a sideshow attraction, but that low bar may have been too high of a hurdle. The most egregious error was that Colonel Manning’s erratic behavior was blamed on the fact that his heart was growing at a slower pace than the rest of his body because the heart was “only one cell”. Every part of the problem and proposed solution made no sense.

A bigger problem is the film’s reliance on exposition. The bomb test in the opening sequence was described by a man speaking over a loudspeaker, and each time the doctor needed to describe the current situation with Manning, they used the conference room with film strip trope.

On the positive side, the movie makes good use of its tiny budget. The sparse sets made sense in the context of the film. Also, the match cut (if I can call it that) when Manning is hit by the explosion was quite effective. And the heart of the film is about Manning’s feeling of disillusionment and dissociation. We see his attitude transform from anger at his predicament to disregard of the “little people”. Not exactly Oscar worthy, but better depth than you normally expect from the genre.

I kind of liked The Amazing Colossal Man. Producer/Director Bert I. Gordon only made 24 films between 1954 and 2015, and I saw a handful of them in my childhood. This, however, is only the second one during this fourteen year journey. I’ll likely see a few more. AMRU 3.

Queen of Blood (1966)

In the futuristic world of 1990, Earth makes contact with an alien race. The aliens send an ambassador, but they crash land on Mars. Our intrepid astronauts go on a rescue mission but a “sunburst” damages their vessel and they might not have enough fuel to return to Earth. So, a second rescue mission is dispatched with the only ship available: one that doesn’t carry enough fuel to land on Mars. I didn't get it either. Instead they land on Phobos, and from there they can take their escape vehicle to Mars. Problem is they find the alien ambassador, injured, on Phobos, and she (it’s a lady ambassador!) must take one of the two seats in the escape vehicle, while one astronaut remains behind.

Long story short, she’s some kind of green skinned alien vampire creature.

John Saxon is our heroic leading man. He had a long career of B movies and television guest appearances. His menacingly strong looks served him well in lead and villain roles. I most associate him with Enter the Dragon, which I haven not covered yet for some reason. Cub astronaut Paul is played by Dennis Hopper. I hardly recognized him.

The big name is Basil Rathbone, on the final hole of his storied career. He was very much in the “read lines while on camera for money” stage of his career. He was also roped into appearing in Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, which was ripped off from Planeta bur (1962). Peter Bogdanovich would later edit Basil out and make Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, because Mamie Van Doren.

Basil would pass a little over a year after the film’s release, but still had time to appear in the classics The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini and Hillbillys in a Haunted House. They sound dreadful. I must watch.

Long shots of the aliens and their world have a surreal appearance heightened by the trippy music. This contrasts in style and tone with the main story because those scenes were stolen from two higher budget Russian films, Mechte navstrechu (1963) and Nebo zovyot (1959). Was Roger Corman the producer? Of course he was. Much of the story comes from the first of the two, and the second was Americanized as Battle Beyond the Sun. After we meet lady ambassador monster near the midpoint, those sets are gone and we are left with the sparse Corman sets.

Queen of Blood is a watchable, if confounding film. Too convoluted for its own good (see paragraph one) and the action is facilitated by the characters being dumb. It's not without its charm, but much of that charm came from better films. AMRU 2.5.

Dementia 13 (1963)

Irish mansion, morbid ceremony, family secrets, ax murderer, big reveal, roll credits.

While working with Roger Corman on The Young Racers, a very young Francis Ford Coppola somehow convinced him to finance his own film. He used existing sets and locations, enlisted film school friends, wrote a script, finagled additional funding, and filmed during down times. The title was inspired by Hitchcock’s Psycho, but there was already a 1955 film named Dementia, so he added the number 13. You know, because 13 is unlucky.

Coppola borrowed a few actors from The Young Racers but the only recognizable face is William Campbell. He had a long film and TV career, but to me he will always be General Trelane, retired. The film’s two pretty blonds each have a sexy sexy scene (by 1963 standards) calling back to Coppola’s earlier work on nudie cuties.

A close look at this film may reveal clues of a director that would be one of the all time greatest for an eight year stretch, but without the insight of hindsight I doubt even an educated viewer could pick that out. It is at times clumsy, some of the acting is quite poor, and the story is really a mess. It feels as if a few interesting elements were awkwardly tied together into a narrative. It’s worth noting that his previous directing experience was creating additional scenes to somehow save The Terror. Coppola learned a great many things during the process, but the importance of budget and time may have been the best lesson.

Dementia 13 is a watchable and mostly interesting film, if only because of the director. But it is by no means a good or important film. There are flaws the viewer must overlook, but at least it’s brief. AMRU 2.5.

“Especially an American girl. You can tell she's been raised on promises.”

 

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

Prince Prospero (Vincent Price) is a terrible man. He visits a small village for reasons I forget and is given an earful by two residents. He sentences them to fight to the death, but two things happen: he takes a fancy to the pretty Francesca and discovers that the village is infected by The Red Death, which is apparently some kind of plague. He orders the village burned and takes the pretty lady and two men back to his castle. There he contemplates ways to kill his prisoners, tries to woo the pretty girl (because, you know, consent), and plans a masquerade ball.

This is another of Roger Corman’s eight Poe films, of which I’ve now seen three. The teenaged Jane Asher was quite charming as the prince's captive. Prospero’s lady in waiting (Hazel Court) is jealous of this new love interest and starts operating on her own agenda. After her initial ingenue period, Court appeared in a fair number of low budget horror flicks. After Masque she moved to television and had a lengthy career there. In a side story a tiny dancer catches the eye of Hop Toad the dwarf. Turns out that actress was only eight years old at the time.

The Masque of the Red Death has an air of artificiality about it. The dialog is stilted and mannered. The sets are brightly colored, brightly lit, and very set-looking. People are locked in rooms that we don’t doubt for a moment the actors couldn’t punch their way through. There is much to pick apart if one were inclined. But this is the disbelief we are supposed to suspend. So, it is what it is. It holds your interest even if the story sometimes makes no sense. I should read the Poe story. AMRU 3.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

Dr. Phibes (Vincent Price) is horribly scarred from a car accident while rushing to be with his sick wife. When she dies, he holds  her nine doctors responsible. Presumed dead from his crash, Phibes enacts his plan to murder them in the mode of the biblical plagues, with minor alterations for filming purposes.

Virginia North was adorable as Phibes’ assistant Vulnavia, whose presence here makes no sense. She previously appeared in the Lazenby Bond film. Caroline Munro was uncredited as Phibes’ dearly departed. She would later go on to be in a Moore Bond film. Susan Travers played an argumentative nurse. Previously she had a small role in the excellent Peeping Tom. She didn’t get to do a Bond film, but did get to work with Hitchcock. She seemed to play nurses a lot.

It was sad to see a late career Joseph Cotten stumble through his lines. There wasn’t much dialog but what little there was, was terrible. Price recited all of his lines in a studio as his character could only talk using the technology of phonograph. Worse than the dialog, though, was the police work. They interview people and fail to ask the most basic questions. Every aspect of their work borders on laughable, but maybe that was the point. Ostensibly set in the 1920’s, Phibes’ Phantom opera house inspired mansion resembled a cheap amusement park ride, complete with a clockwork band.

Billed as Price’s 100th film, it was 85th by my count. A pretty ridiculous movie, The Abominable Dr. Phibes plays right to Price’s strengths. Not a good film by any measure, and maybe more dark comedy than horror, but it holds your attention. AMRU 3. I don't know if I can bring myself to watch the sequel.

The Cat Girl (1957)

Pretty Leonora is summoned by her uncle to his country mansion regarding her inheritance. She is told to come alone, but traumatized by her time there she brings her husband and some friends. On her way she crosses paths with her old Dr. flame for whom she still has feelings. Turns out Leonora also inherits the family curse, where she is somehow connected to this leopard that kills when she is angry. Good thing Dr. flame is a shrink.

Cat Girl has a certain Cat People feel but it isn’t a direct remake. There is a pretty girl, a curse, a cat, and violence, but the story is very different. And not to Cat Girl’s credit. While the former is taught and compelling, this is quite plodding.

Our good doctor Marlowe is our hero analog, but he is a poor one. He has science and wants to help poor Leonora but he does a terrible job. He is pretty harsh to her and makes terrible decisions. Then, at her darkest time, he decides she should leave the sanitarium and spend time with his wife, alone, even though she has been openly hostile towards her. What the hell, man! Plus actor Robert Ayres mumbles all of his dialog. And, it seems their romantic backstory occurred when she was a teen and he was in his mid-thirties.

I try not to impose Hollywood values on English films, but they can be so stiff and formal that they feel like a TV adaptation of a stage play. This being a prime example. Everyone here is pretty rude and even our protagonist turns into the monster. Also, much of the dialog is downright wonky. Cat Girl has a fair amount of atmosphere, some good ideas, and is pretty short, but that doesn’t keep it from being dull. AMRU 2.5. Watch Cat People instead. Not the Nastassja Kinski one.

Konga (1961)

Dr. Decker (Michael Gough) was lost in Africa for a year and returns with witch doctor secrets to grow animals to enormous size. With the help of his trusty cook/housekeeper/lab assistant/lover Margaret, he recreates the formula. They injects it into a baby chimp causing it to grow into a regular sized chimp! Once again and Konga grows into a man in a gorilla suit! The commercial applications are limitless, and by applications I mean to murder people he sees as a threat.

I’ve hit quite a few giant ape films and I heard this one was terrible. Then I watched it and saw that it was terrible. I playfully knocked the others for playing fast and loose with scale. Here, the filmmakers don’t appear to be trying at all. With his third injection Konga grows out of control, but nothing is consistent. See exhibit A, before he crashes out of the house. Notice the doll victim compared to the counters behind him. And who has a basement laboratory with ceilings this high? Jealous. His size varies up and down through the conclusion of the film.

Gough’s Decker simply shouts exposition about the relentless pursuit of science, except all he seems to do is sic Konga on personal rivals. There is a side plot where he gracelessly tries to upgrade his cook/housekeeper/lab assistant/lover with an air-headed hottie student we are to believe is smart. In fact none of the acting performances are terribly good. Except for Konga himself. Acting principally with his eyes, I thought the ape man did a pretty fair job.

Sadly, Dr. Decker is an uncompelling villain. Projecting his lines at the top of his vocal range makes for a very two dimensional character, with no flesh and blood. His year in the jungle was rather mysterious but is not explored. Konga brings little new to the giant ape story, except maybe cool puppet plants. Sorry, Alfred. AMRU 2.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

A clean cut teen couple, after making out in a car parked on a local farm, accidentally hits a space alien. The cops dismiss the alcohol-soaked kid’s story and the Air Force tries to cover up the flying “saucer”.

Initially intended as a straight sci-fi, they added comedic music and cool daddy-o dialog in an attempt to garner the ha-ha’s as well. This worked out about as well as expected. It’s a problem that we never get a good look at the Morbo-inspired aliens and the so-called saucer better resembles the bat mobile. Speaking of which, Frank Gorshin of Riddler fame plays a drifter trying to profit off of the LGMs. He may have been the best part of the film.

These low-budget, straight to drive-in films are a guilty pleasure of mine. I gave sub-3 scores to a couple I watched recently but truth be told, I enjoyed them. They are dumb, poorly acted, and sometimes racist, but I love them. The problem here is that the attempt at humor undercut any tension making the film pretty much pointless. There is little story outside of “Look! Aliens!” and they spent time introducing the Air Force characters to only stick in front of the ship with the direction “Act silly”. This doesn’t work.

I’m giving this thing only a half point lower than the others, but the difference in enjoyment is vast. The comedy isn’t funny, the aliens aren’t scary, and most damningly, the movie isn’t interesting. AMRU 2.

The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1962)

Dashing Dr. Bill is assisting his father in the worlds most bloodless surgery. When the patient dies, Dr. Bill uses that and an opportunity to introduce the obligatory ‘Doctor Playing God’ conversation. You see, organ transplants will someday become as common and blood transfusions. Wow, what solid science for a movie that features a living, disembodied head that can talk without the benefit of vocal cords or lungs.

Anyhow, Bill’s assistant calls saying he needs him to see what’s in the closet. So, he takes his fiancee Jan to his country mansion/evil laboratory. Because he drives like a maniac, he crashes the car. Thrown free, he goes back to the car to find his dear love’s mangled body. So, he takes her head and walks the rest of the way.

Still with me? Ok, so let’s sum up. Jan’s head is conscious and sitting in a baking pan. Igor-character is a fellow surgeon who lost an arm Dr. Bill replaced, not entirely successfully (you can’t be a surgeon with only one arm). And the thing in the closet was built using random stitched together parts. The main story line is of Dr. Bill, searching for a hot body to put his gal’s head on while Jan, feeling no compassion (she has no heart, you see), uses a new-found power to communicate with the thing in the closet. This power is called TALKING! Which, in retrospect, actually IS a super power as SHE HAS NO LUNGS!

There are two elements that drive this film. The horror that is Jan’s head, and the exploitation aspect of Bill’s search for a hot young replacement bod. But Jan’s head isn’t horrifying at all, though the characters think it should be. In fact, it looks quite silly. And the body search is mostly a waste of screen time. Bill twice bails on a subject because of a potential witness. Eventually he finds a recluse cheesecake model with a facial scar. Win-win.

Monster in the Closet was played by the Jewish Giant, 7’7” Eddie Carmel. When we finally see him, his makeup is pretty effective. Eddie did what anyone else with a glandular condition did back in the day: take odd monster roles, work as a wrestler, tour with a circus, then die tragically young. So it goes. Jan’s Virginia Leith hated the role so much, she refused to return for post production. In one scene she laughs off screen and it sounds nothing like her. There is a version of the film where our cheesecake model poses in the nude. It’s available on Prime. I saw the standard release on TCM.

Anyhow, this direct-to-drive-in release needs to have the bad people punished and the natural law being restored, and that’s what happens. Almost. It is remembered because of how ridiculous it is. Fun, dumb, and short. My take-away is how a film could have such good insight about transplants and medical research be so stupid with it’s principle science. And, in the end, the message is No, doctors shouldn’t do research to further understanding. But it’s not so bad. Fun, dumb, and short. Besides what can you expect for a film shot in less than two weeks. AMRU 2.5.

The Terror (1963)

Andre (Jack Nicholson) is a Napoleonic soldier separated from his battalion. Exhausted and thirsty, he happens upon a hot young woman (Sandra Knight) who calls herself Helene. She leads him to water then tries to drown him. He wakes up in the cabin of an old woman who says he just imagined the young woman. Her mute servant tells him (just go with it) to seek the girl at the castle of the Baron Victor von Leppe (Boris Karloff), who says he just imagined the young woman. But Andre is obsessed.

There is so much wrong with this film. Jack and Barron henchman Dick Miller’s stilted and unnatural delivery appear to channel Keanu Reeves. There are extended shots of Karloff pointlessly walking, ape-like, around his underfurnshed mansion slowly coming to the realization that he will never again be in a good movie. The secrets of the movie are revealed in a haphazard way and the great twist at the end would make even soap opera fans groan.

What really happened here is that director Roger Corman finished early on The Raven (1963), sent everyone but Karloff and Nicholson home, then filmed random scenes of Karloff on existing sets. He then continued with Jack and a couple other actors trying to improvise a new movie. When the editors came back and said it was a mess, they had Nicholson and Miller do some exposition in a studio to try and fit it all together.

The core of the story isn’t bad. A witch mesmerizes a young woman who resembles the Barron’s dead wife to torment him for killing her son. Not great, but by B movie standards, not bad at all. But it doesn’t work because of the previously mentioned terrible acting, the ‘saved it in the editing’ filming schedule, and the mind numbingly stupid twists at the end (yea, that’s right, two stupid twists). Dick and Jack are fighting, then cooperate, then fight again. No reason. Fix those problems and you will have a serviceable if forgettable film. With those problems you have a film Jack Nicholson wants everyone to forget.

I remember a scene at the very end of a film I saw as a boy that stuck with me. I didn’t remember the content of the story nor the context of the scene. That film was this and that scene was dumb plot twist number two. I remember the actor reacting not with horror but with an ‘Ew, that’s gross!’ look on his face. That part was remembered correctly.

I’m sure Roger Corman turned a profit on The Terror. He was notorious for his tight shoots and tighter budgets. He wouldn’t spend a nickel to make a movie better unless it returned him a dime. He didn’t have the luxury of time here but I can’t help think that with a little better planning and some creative writing even the twists could have been successful. As it exists, however, AMRU 2.

The Astounding She-Monster (1957)

A rich socialite is kidnapped by a band of misfit criminals and taken to a cabin in the woods where a hunky geologist lives. But unbeknownst to them, a glowing hot chick from space with outrageous makeup is stalking them. Yea, that just about sums this one up.

I was no more than ten minutes into this film before I realized that I was in for a treat. No, not treat. The opposite. Torture? Yea, lets go with that. For starters is the smarmy narration and clearly dubbed voices. I thought I was watching the second coming of the film which mustn’t be named. I was somewhat relieved when it progressed to actual dialog. Somewhat.

This low budget release is mostly six actors in one location. The dog, actually, is one of the actors actual dog. Apparently our glowing dominatrix ripped her costume in the back and had to walk backwards out of some scenes because they couldn’t fix it. Her costume was supposed to make her appear naked for sexually frustrated 1950’s audiences. Sadly for sexually frustrated modern audiences, the effect wasn’t very successful. She just slowly walks around, appears out of nowhere when the plot requires it, and kills with one touch of her glowing, radioactive hand.

Not original, poorly acted, not terribly interesting, and ladened with high-minded exposition. The lack of budget and creativity is apparent in every frame. A definite skipper. AMRU 2.

Attack of the Puppet People (1958)

Loopy doll maker hires a new secretary. She isn't interested because he seems to think his dolls are real people. He begs her to take the job because ... it's the fifties.

She confesses her suspicions to a salesman who laughs in her face. They date (because that makes sense) and shortly after he proposes, he mysteriously disappears. Just like a bunch of other people. After she accuses her boss of turning people into dolls, he shrinks her and adds her to his collection. See, he wasn't crazy. Just lonely.

Well crafted, well paced, predictable, unimaginative, uninspired, watchable. You know what would have made this better? If the puppet people actually attacked something. Or if the scene in the poster took place. Or threw a hint of sexual perversion, or cold war fear, or drama, or action. A well crafted baloney on white is still a baloney on white. Hey, sometimes I get hungry.

A key element in any Sci-Fi film is the hardware. Sounds harsh, but for the most part that's true. Puppet People has hardware, but it's barely described. There was the analogy to how a projector makes images larger, but Willie Wonka did a better job on the exposition.

Director Bert Gordon took a break from making giant-people movies to make a little-person movie, but has our protagonists go to the drive-in to see one of his films. Anything else interesting here? Nope. Maybe I'd say John Agar deserved a better movie, but let's face facts. This was right in his wheelhouse. AMRU 3.

Foxy Brown (1974)

Foxy Brown (Pam Grier) is a whole lotta woman. Her boyfriend is a cop who infiltrated the ghetto mob and they are out for revenge. To protect himself, he undergoes plastic surgery. Unfortunately, her ne'er-do-well brother, on the run from the same mob, recognizes him and trades his life for some debt forgiveness. Exit boyfriend. This don't go over well with o'll Foxy. She's a whole lotta woman. Foxy goes undercover in the mob's prostitution ring and, well, things play out mostly as you can expect.

What a terrible film! I occasionally hit the exploitation scene and I don't know why. The stories are formulaic, the acting is terrible, even the fight sequences are badly filmed. The only saving grace is the nudity, and Foxy Brown has fairly little. But the movie does redeem itself somewhat. The climax is clever and satisfying. I also liked the element of the boss man being a woman, with a boy-toy who clearly sees his relationship with her as part of the job. Does that save the film as a whole? I'm not so sure.

The titular character has become a pop culture icon. Is she not the archetype for Beyonce's Foxxy Cleopatra character in Goldmember? She is not the passive heroine so common in this kind of film. Foxy goes right after the bad guys and does not flinch. She takes her share of punishment and dishes out a whole lot more. In truth I can see why people become fascinated by these movies, but don't mistake them for fine filmmaking. It stands squarely in the guilty pleasure zone. That said, for me it's more guilt than pleasure. AMRU 2.5.

"That's my sister, baby, and she's a whole lotta woman."

Beach Party (1963)

Cute-as-a-button Dolores (Annette Funicello) is spending the week at a beach house with shorter-than-expected Frankie (Frankie Avalon). Not sure if she can trust herself alone with him, she invites along everyone she's ever met. Immediately they spat and take turns trying to get each other jealous, Frankie with hot waitress Ava (Eva Six) and Dolores with a creepy professor (Robert Cummings) who is spying on the teens sex life. Entering the fray is the gang who couldn't think straight.

Rife with beach songs, corny jokes, and bikinis, I'm quite surprised to report that I didn't hate this movie. In fact, lose half the musical numbers, punch up some of the jokes, and you might have something here. What was supposed to be a low budget Elvis knock off movie became it's own cultural phenomenon. American International Pictures made a half dozen or so more of these quickies, many with Frankie and Annette, but some without.

Clearly I watched this out of respect for Annette. Her movies were antiques even back in my youth, but she was so likeable. I'm convinced she was the reason my mom always bought Skippy even though I was a Jiff boy. Her charisma comes through. She plays up her good-girl image here, appearing positively overdressed much of the time. She does make one appearance in a scandalous two-piece, so put rumors of modesty aside for a moment.

Surprisingly, Franking and Annette did not got top billing. Cummings and his assistant Dorothy Malone did. Cummings was an odd duck. An avid health nut, in his 40s he likely could have out-surfed green-screen Frankie. He popped vitamin pills obsessively. He lived, hearty and hale, until he was 80. But before you praise his pill-popping ways, know that he died of kidney failure.

Fun, corny, light fare. The real test is if it encourages me to watch more in the series. Time will tell. Hey, I haven't seen an Elvis movie yet ... and I still won't. AMRU 3.

"Boy, this has been some night."
"You can say that again."
"Boy, this has been some night."

The Angry Red Planet (1959)

Earth loses contact with a rocket to Mars and is presumed lost. When it reappears, they find two survivors: the hysterical requisite hottie (Naura Hayden) and Colonel O'Bannion (Gerald Mohr) who is infected by a strange, bad makeup and an even worse Bogart impersonation. They grill the hottie to find out how to cure him.

Flashback time. Our intrepid crew lands on the red planet and sees that everything is eerily still. As if the plants were being controlled. Controlled to be ... still. Whatever, they venture out and are attacked by a carnivorous plant, then by a giant mouse-spider-bat-crab monster, finally by an ameboa. A big one. With a rotating eye. They try to return to Earth but they are held in place, as if there were a controlling force. Forcing them to ... well, whatever.

Finally they are allowed to return to Earth and the Hottie remembers enough so save the suave Colonel while they play the Martian's "don't ever come here" warning message. And they all lived happily ever after. Except the people who died.

High on the list of cheesy special effects is CineMagic! Here, black and white video is saturated with red to make it look ... well, bad. Then they have the actors interact with hand drawn props that look only slightly worse than the live action. Marvelous! There's nothing like being kicked in the groin to make you forget your splitting headache.

Oh, exagerating, am I? Judge for yourself:

Bad acting, cheeseball script, horrible special effects, and the stereotype of 50's B cinema. The plot holes were big enough to drive a giant mouse-spider-bat-crab monster through. While on the surface wearing space suits, one character gives his gun (Cleo) a kiss, demonstrating that the helmets don't have glass. And it only starts there.Despite the unbelievably bad effects and cotton candy plot, I kinda liked it. No, it won't make the year's best of list, but even though I fell asleep during it (had to re-watch the last 25 minutes on Amazon Prime after Neflix axed it), I have to say I'm glad I watched it. AMRU 3.