Death Bed: The Bed that Eats (1977)

There’s this bed, see, in an old, abandoned house. When people sleep in it, the bed eats them. Roll credits.

To be fair, the bed has a backstory and there is a conclusion, but Pulitzer Prize material it is not. This is a very low budget, very independent film that despite the amateur status proves to be quite watchable. Shot silent and dubbed in post, Death Bed is mostly an art film, narrated by a ghost behind a painting.

The film rose to fame when back in 2007 comedian Patton Oswald did a bit on it, referring to it as “The Bed that Eats People” in a comedic flourish. It was shot in 1972 and a print wasn’t stuck until 1977. There it sat until bootleg copies began circulating. It got a DVD release in 2003 and the rest is history.

Kinda interesting if mostly for it’s unusual narrative style, it is a very watchable film. It has a dreamlike quality and the most was made with amateur actors. Compare it to the bulk of the super low budget amateur films, it rises above. On the overall watchability scale, I give Death Bed an impressive AMRU 3.

Saturday Night Fever (1977)

The guys go to clubs, do drugs, and cruise for chicks, but all Tony (John Travolta) wants to do is dance. And win some stupid dive bar dance competition. When he notices a middle aged woman dancing better than his partner he ditches his … I don’t know, girlfriend? and tries to get Stephanie to partner up. But she’s all sophisticated and everything, and gets to meet all these celebrities. Will love bloom? Hope not.

I was too young to see Saturday Night Fever when it came out, but could not mistake its impact. I cannot overstate how much of a cultural touchstone this film was. Coming out towards the end of the Disco era, it became the pop culture image of the 70’s dance club scene for mainstream America. Travolta, the breakout star of Welcome Back, Carter, was now a bona fide superstar. After Grease the following year, nothing could stop his career. Except, maybe, a decade and a half of crappy movies.

My wife does not care for old movies. In fact, with very few exceptions, she hates them. But she loves Glee, and when Finn was struggling with his future, Mr. Schuester suggested he watch Saturday Night Fever. Tony’s drive and ambition to dance inspired Finn to … I really don’t know, Glee is my wife’s thing. We both were game to give it a try. Anyhow, Schuester should have been fired. And arrested. SNF is no film for a high school kid looking for inspiration, even if he was 30.

What starts with a young man taking his favorite can of paint for a walk becomes a story of directionless, inarticulate young men going through life without learning lessons. I’ve watched and liked films with inarticulate main characters (Rocky) but I’ve never before watched a movie filled with such hatefully stupid people, unable to express even the simplest idea. The frustration listening to this dialog was beyond the pail. But it gets worse.

Our ‘hero’ treats his old dance partner terribly then acts jealous when she threatens to see someone else. His new dance partner agrees to compete but wants no personal relationship, so he acts jealous. She was ten years older than Travolta and looked every bit of it. Worse still, she wasn’t much of a dancer, especially compared to Tony. They have no chemistry and their whole relationship makes no sense. But it gets worse.

Played by the adorable Donna Pescow, Tony’s ex Annette is easily the most likable character in the film. Stupid like the rest, but likable. While Tony sits uninterested in the front seat of the car, Annette is literally gang-raped in the back seat. He later calls her a slut. The shit this film flings at her is unconscionable, and there is no indication that it doesn’t think she deserves it.

A musical lives and dies on the quality of the music, and while this is not a musical, it is at the center of Saturday Night Fever. But even if you hate disco music, it’s still the best part of this film. What further keeps it from being at the absolute bottom is the occasional glimpse of an intelligent, hidden hand. The disillusioned priest, the control dynamic between Stephanie and her former boyfriend, then between her and Tony. The inference that maybe we were never meant to identify with Tony, that this is a cautionary tale. Is there more than the surface story? No, this is Jersey Shore: 70’s Disco edition.

One can make an argument that Tony learns. He doesn’t hate Hispanics anymore. He moves to fancy Manhattan and wants more from life. He agrees to just be friends with Stephanie. But, no, he doesn’t. His grand epiphany about racism is marred by committing his own sexual assault. He is still the same piece of trash he was at the beginning. The film would have been better if the entire cast jumped off a bridge in the first act. AMRU 1.5.

House (1977)

A schoolgirl learns that her father is remarrying so she runs off to stay with her dead mom’s sister. For some reason she brings along her schoolmates. Turns out auntie lives in a haunted house.

Did I think Suspiria was weird? Christ, where to begin.

The story itself isn’t unconventional, save for the fact that all the characters are Japanese schoolgirls in appropriate uniform. So, there’s that. The girls travel to the house, auntie behaves weird, people go missing, then things go off the rails. Standard haunted house fare. The difference lies in the mise en scene.

The schoolgirls are named for their primary trait: Gorgeous is slightly prettier than the rest, Fantasy … ummm … sees ghosts, Prof is smart and wears glasses, Melody plays the piano, Kung Fu knows karate, Sweet is sweet, and the fat one is called Mac. You know, short for stomach. She’s not really fat, just has a round face and wears loose fitting clothing. The girls were models with little or no acting experience, not that you can tell. They went on to do little else. Only Aunty was a real actor.

The settings and action in the movie are augmented by silly set pieces, backdrops, and cartoon-like animation and effects. It’s hard to take anything seriously, even when things get violent. And things do get violent. The effect is a surreal, otherworldly experience. While you can like the characters, you never become emotionally invested in them. And when you think you know what will happen next, you are wrong.

House deserves a second viewing. It is absolutely bonkers and becomes more comedic as it becomes more graphic. It is remarkable if only for how absurd it is. I don’t know if it’s a good film, but it’s a memorable one. AMRU 4. So, Mac is Dopey, Prof is Doc, Sweet is Bashful, Melody is also Dopey …

Suspiria (1977)

An American woman (Jessica Harper), travels to Freiberg to join an exclusive ballet school. When she arrives late and during a storm she passes by another student who is running away. Suzy later learns that the girl was brutally murdered later that night. No red flags there, so she proceeds to get to know here schoolmates and start training.

In another film I would say something like “all is not as it seems” but from the very offset, all does not seem well. Strange behavior, strange lighting, strange sets, strange score. Strange movie. The audience is on edge from the very onset, even when the main character doesn’t appear to be so.

Our hero Suzy befriends Sara, who was friends with Pat, the girl who fled (and died). She knows something strange is going on and tries to find out what. Originally the ballet students were to be young girls but a hyper-violent film starring tweens would have been problematic. So they hired twenty-somethings but kept some of the adolescent dialog. SSSSSSSS!

Running the ballet school is old friend Alida Valli (The Third Man, Eyes Without a Face) and Joan Bennett, who I’ve not seen in anything just yet. This is my first Dario Argento film which should not be a surprise as I’m not much of a fan of the Giallo style. It’s a good thing I started with his most famous and arguably best.

I experienced a few moments of confusion watching Suspiria. They were cleared up when I saw a video analysis which included footage that wasn’t in my version. I watched from TCM who prides themselves for showing films uncut, but clearly this was not the case here. I wonder what else I missed. The movie wasn’t as violent as its reputation.

Suspiria is a weird film. The strange narrative style, expressive sets, bizarre lighting, and oppressive score give the viewer a disquieting feeling. This cannot be overstated. Nothing looks real so the viewer does not know if the regular rules of reality apply. And what to make of the expression on the face of the character at the very end? I would definitely see it again even if my copy was uncut. This is a memorable film. AMRU 4.

“Susie... Sarah... I once read that names which begin with the letter 'S' are the names of SNAKES!”

Eraserhead (1977)

Henry is invited to dinner by a girl to meet her parents. There he discovers that she’s had a baby. She thinks. That is, she thinks it’s a baby. Now they must get married. This is Henry’s nightmare, and maybe yours.

Eraserhead fades between a surreal dream-like half fantasy, into a disturbing total fantasy, then back again. We don’t always know what is sorta real and what isn’t. What we see is a bizarre man living in an unsettling world filled with disturbing images that don’t quite make sense. It’s an anxiety filled dream in a fantasy landscape that only vaguely resembles reality.

What’s the meaning on the Man in the Planet? The worms? The hair? The poodle-girl in the radia-tair? Sorry, mon frere, but I’m not going there. What is clear is that Henry lives in a low rent, disturbing, unsatisfying, sometimes hostile world and is unexpectedly saddled with a special needs child he had with a woman who barely tolerates him. What better food for nightmare could there be than this?

An amazing thing about this film is how consistent the tone is, despite the fact that production took five years to complete. A character sees something gross and disturbing and we look to the characters reaction to judge what we are to think of it. Is it normal is this world or the height of horror? What we see is a reaction halfway between. Jack Nance kept the iconic hair-do for the duration of the shoot. Jack would later die from injuries sustained in a brawl outside a donut shop. And so it goes.

Eraserhead is an enigmatic, bizarre, and fascinating study in world building. I’m certain some of the images are there just to confound, but it completely sets the tone. The viewer is in for a ride. AMRU 4.

Pumping Iron (1977)

This documentary takes an insider's look at the sport of bodybuilding, specifically at Arnold Schwarzenegger's attempt at a sixth Mr. Olympia title in 1975. We also see the Mr. Universe championship.

I had a similar experience watching this as when watching Project Runway with my wife. The behind the scenes look shows less the final product, but the process and motivation of the participants. This can be enlightening. While I have been known to lift a weight and to even wear clothes, both worlds were a mystery, and somewhat foolish looking to me. Pumping Iron was an eye opener.

Here's what I found interesting: Arnold Schwarzenegger was already famous at the time of this documentary. Not Conan/Terminator/Kindergarten Cop famous, but he was renowned in the bodybuilding world and even did a fair amount of Hollywood (Streets of San Francisco, people!) I thought he was an unknown. Also highlighted was TV's Lou Ferrigno. For reasons I can't explain, I thought Lou was a short man made to look large by careful camera angles. Nope. The dude was in the 6'4" range, towering over Arnold.

Through the competition, Schwarzenegger is supremely confident, having won the previous five competitions, and was thought unstoppable. Lots of bravado abounds amongst the competitors, but Ferrigno comes off as humble, focused, and family oriented. His father is his coach. Arnold speaks of missing his father's funeral because he didn't want to interrupt his training. He later admitted this was a lie.

Spoiler alert: Arnold did win his sixth title before retiring. He came out of retirement in 1980 to win again, just to prove he could. His seven titles is no longer a record. Two people have eight each.

Pumping Iron is fascinating and very well done. This documentary is required viewing for weightlifters and bodybuilders, but might be more useful to the rest of us. AMRU 3.5.

"It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven."