House of Usher (1960)

A young man (Mark Damon) visits his fiancee (Myrna Fahey) at her family estate only to discover that he is in an Edgar Allan Poe story.

This is the first of eight Poe stories that Roger Corman made over six years. They were his first color films, all starring Vincent Price, and considered to be among his best.

If I ever read The Fall of the House of Usher, it was a very long time ago, so I can’t speak to the movie’s faithfulness. This follows the expected story line. Roderick’s sensitivity to sound and light, the family curse, the premature burial, the literal and figurative fall of the house. I believe the biggest change was the addition of the love interest. I covered a 1949 version here nine years ago but have no memory of it. There’s a 1928 silent version but I can’t seem to find it.

Price always delivers, even with poor material. And to be fair, this material isn’t poor. Sci-Fi legend Richard Matheson adapted the screenplay. My biggest complaint is with Roderick’s constant exclaiming “Don’t you understand!” when nothing was even remotely explained. But I am sure this is a fault of the source material. Some things make more sense on the page than screen. AMRU 3.

The Wasp Woman (1959)

Frumpy Janice (pretty Susan Cabot), founder of a now floundering cosmetics company, learns that her company’s troubles are caused by the fact she is older now, and thus an uggo. As luck would have it, she is contacted by an eccentric man who claims he can reverse aging using a wasp royal jelly serum. What could possibly go wrong? Consider the film’s title.

Legendary director/producer Roger Corman recently passed and I was never a fan. I've watched ten of the 46 feature films he directed and I rated none particularly high. Over the years I’ve seldom resisted the urge to cast shade his way. While I never cared for his esthetic, I must acknowledge his importance to independent cinema. The Corman Film School trained and mentored an impressive number of people. His legacy includes the names James Cameron, Peter Bogdanovich, Francis Ford Coppola, and Joe Dante along with almost 500 producer credits.

Pretty Susan Cabot had a fair career in B movies, many with Corman. This would be her last. Later she had an affair with King Hussein of Jordan, producing a son who suffered from dwarfism. Hussein would leave her when he learned of her Jewish heritage. She would slowly become mentally unstable, possibly because she was taking her son’s growth hormones. He would bludgeon her to death in her sleep. She was 59. And you thought Susan Peter’s story was grim. 

The Wasp Woman suffers from its budget. Cabot was laughable in her wasp costume, and the action scenes were poorly shot. But there is some amusing dialog and the depiction of the pressure on a woman in charge to keep up appearances might even be a little progressive for the time. At barely an hour long, brevity is its virtue, but it earns another meh 3.0 score.

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

Prince Prospero (Vincent Price) is a terrible man. He visits a small village for reasons I forget and is given an earful by two residents. He sentences them to fight to the death, but two things happen: he takes a fancy to the pretty Francesca and discovers that the village is infected by The Red Death, which is apparently some kind of plague. He orders the village burned and takes the pretty lady and two men back to his castle. There he contemplates ways to kill his prisoners, tries to woo the pretty girl (because, you know, consent), and plans a masquerade ball.

This is another of Roger Corman’s eight Poe films, of which I’ve now seen three. The teenaged Jane Asher was quite charming as the prince's captive. Prospero’s lady in waiting (Hazel Court) is jealous of this new love interest and starts operating on her own agenda. After her initial ingenue period, Court appeared in a fair number of low budget horror flicks. After Masque she moved to television and had a lengthy career there. In a side story a tiny dancer catches the eye of Hop Toad the dwarf. Turns out that actress was only eight years old at the time.

The Masque of the Red Death has an air of artificiality about it. The dialog is stilted and mannered. The sets are brightly colored, brightly lit, and very set-looking. People are locked in rooms that we don’t doubt for a moment the actors couldn’t punch their way through. There is much to pick apart if one were inclined. But this is the disbelief we are supposed to suspend. So, it is what it is. It holds your interest even if the story sometimes makes no sense. I should read the Poe story. AMRU 3.

The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)

A creepy old guy (Vincent Price) laments the death of his wife, The Lady Ligeia (Elizabeth Shepherd). He thinks she isn’t really dead because of something she said, but buries her anyhow. When he meets The Lady Rowena (Elizabeth Shepherd), he mistakes her for his dead wife and treats her terribly. Will love bloom? Anyhow, after the wedding, the dead wife starts to complicate things.

Roger Corman directed eight Edgar Allen Poe adaptations in the early 1960’s and this was the most expensive, elaborate, and the last. It was the only one not to be filmed entirely on a soundstage. The shoot went long because of the British crew’s tea obsession. This is my thirteenth Price film so far, which is fewer than I would have expected.

I’ve dinged Corman over his focus on budget and profit over quality, but a great many industry people credit him with giving them their start and an opportunity to learn the craft. I can’t discount that. But I can say I don’t care much for the films he produces. And boy does he produce. He has over 440 feature film producer credits, including four in pre-production. But he wasn’t credited as producer on this one. A Brit was so he could earn a British subsidy.

As for The Tomb of Ligeia, it is what it is. The sets are on par with Hammer, the period dialog is a bit overdone, and the story, well, it is what it is. It will hold your interest but not capture your imagination. AMRU 3. Being a little generous, for Vincent’s benefit.

Piranha (1978)

While searching for missing hikers, an investigator and a grumpy alcoholic stumble upon a military research lab breeding hyper aggressive piranhas. Gosh, I hope they aren’t accidentally released to the river!

I listen to only one film-topic podcast: The Movies that Made Me, which I learned about from the YouTube channel Trailers from Hell. The mastermind behind both efforts is director Joe Dante. I’ve seen and liked a few of his films, so I wanted to click a few others off the list. Piranha was one.

I remember Piranha from my youth because I was a huge Jaws (1975) fan. I read the book before the movie was even announced and saw the film several times. I became low-grade obsessed with sharks and were it not for Star Wars (1977), I may have become an oceanographer. Anyhow, any successful subgenre spawns copycats. Even though I saw neither films, Tentacles (1977) and Piranha definitely got my attention.

Some interesting names appear here. Sci-Fi stalwart Kevin McCarthy (Invasion of the Body Snatchers), Keenan Wynn (Dr. Strangelove), Barbara Steele (Black Sunday), and Dick Miller (everything) specifically, some frequent collaborators with executive producer Roger Corman. Oh, yea, this is a Roger Corman film. Despite that, it isn’t too bad.

Originally set to conflict with the opening of Jaws 2, Universal filed a lawsuit against the production company, maybe because it was actually a better film. Steven Spielberg, however, liked Piranha calling it the best of the Jaws rip-offs, and convinced Universal to drop the suit. The $600k Piranha opened two months after the $20m Jaws 2 to better critical reviews.

Piranha is a pleasant distraction. Not a great film and, truth be told, a little confounding in some parts, but overall a well put together movie. It doesn’t try to be too much and it won’t stay with me very long. But it is a pretty good Jaws rip-off. AMRU 3.

The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

Klutzy flower shop worker Seymour grows a bizarre plant to impress a pretty co-worker and save his job. Turns out the plan thrives on blood. Oh, and it talks.

Ah, Roger Corman. His films feel like twisted art experiments. But instead of trying to reinvent narrative or challenge the tropes of cinema, he tried to complete each film as quickly and cheaply as possible. There are many Corman stories. Having finished The Raven early, he shot The Terror on the same set, with the same actors, and without a script. Going on location is expensive, so why not shoot two films? The script for the second film wasn’t finished so he brought the writer along and made him a principal character.

Here, Corman had a better than fair script. It felt like a stage play adaptation, and I thought it was. The sets were reused and the actors well rehearsed therefore principle photography took only two days. That’s right, 48 hours. I like a low budget quickie maybe a bit more than the next guy, but come on Roger. You’re taking the fun out of it.

Jack Nicholson has a very small role as a masochistic dental patient. All of the performances were good if two dimensional, but it felt rushed. We could have gotten to know the Joe Friday-esque detective and the hypochondriac mother better had the pace been allowed it to breathe. Not that I would argue for a much longer version.

Overall, The Little Shop of Horror isn’t bad. Silly, rushed, and not as funny as it could be. I suppose I need to see the remake now. AMRU 2.5.

Deathsport (1978)

Authorities from a city capture “guides” to compete in a thing called Deathsport because, but these guides have competing story elements like mutants, talk in cryptic circles, and boy does this movie stink.

I didn’t come into this film with any great expectation, but it was the follow-up to Death Race 2000 so I was hoping it was a little fun. David Carradine returns as our hero and had it not bombed, the trilogy would have rounded out with Deathworld. While it featured some gratuitous nudity, it was completely lacking in humor. There was an attempt to save this film with reshoots and clever editing, but it failed. What we have is an overly complex story that makes no sense and goes nowhere.

Let’s talk about Claudia Jennings. She was a Playboy playmate that went on to do a string of cheesecake films during the 1970’s. She did pretty well, I thought, considering her pedigree, but apparently she had to be removed from the set once because she was coked up and unruly. She would die in a car crash shortly after the film’s release. Drugs, it would seem, were not involved.

Filming a convincing fight scene is difficult. The audience needs to know who the combatants are and how the fight is going for them, all the while being compelling to watch. Jackie Chan was the master at blocking a fight. So many of these low budget films do it poorly and Deathsport is no exception. And sadly, there are a lot of fight scenes.

Deathsport is a movie that started filming with little more than a premise. They hired a straight from film school director who was promptly fired. This stands as his only directorial credit. Allan Arkush was brought in to fix it, but the soup was already spoiled. The viewer is never sure what is going on, what the character’s motivation is, and why they should care. It’s just a string of pointless and poorly shot action scenes, tedious motorcycle chases, and punctuated with terrible dialog. No humor, no point, and no fun. AMRU 2.

The Terror (1963)

Andre (Jack Nicholson) is a Napoleonic soldier separated from his battalion. Exhausted and thirsty, he happens upon a hot young woman (Sandra Knight) who calls herself Helene. She leads him to water then tries to drown him. He wakes up in the cabin of an old woman who says he just imagined the young woman. Her mute servant tells him (just go with it) to seek the girl at the castle of the Baron Victor von Leppe (Boris Karloff), who says he just imagined the young woman. But Andre is obsessed.

There is so much wrong with this film. Jack and Barron henchman Dick Miller’s stilted and unnatural delivery appear to channel Keanu Reeves. There are extended shots of Karloff pointlessly walking, ape-like, around his underfurnshed mansion slowly coming to the realization that he will never again be in a good movie. The secrets of the movie are revealed in a haphazard way and the great twist at the end would make even soap opera fans groan.

What really happened here is that director Roger Corman finished early on The Raven (1963), sent everyone but Karloff and Nicholson home, then filmed random scenes of Karloff on existing sets. He then continued with Jack and a couple other actors trying to improvise a new movie. When the editors came back and said it was a mess, they had Nicholson and Miller do some exposition in a studio to try and fit it all together.

The core of the story isn’t bad. A witch mesmerizes a young woman who resembles the Barron’s dead wife to torment him for killing her son. Not great, but by B movie standards, not bad at all. But it doesn’t work because of the previously mentioned terrible acting, the ‘saved it in the editing’ filming schedule, and the mind numbingly stupid twists at the end (yea, that’s right, two stupid twists). Dick and Jack are fighting, then cooperate, then fight again. No reason. Fix those problems and you will have a serviceable if forgettable film. With those problems you have a film Jack Nicholson wants everyone to forget.

I remember a scene at the very end of a film I saw as a boy that stuck with me. I didn’t remember the content of the story nor the context of the scene. That film was this and that scene was dumb plot twist number two. I remember the actor reacting not with horror but with an ‘Ew, that’s gross!’ look on his face. That part was remembered correctly.

I’m sure Roger Corman turned a profit on The Terror. He was notorious for his tight shoots and tighter budgets. He wouldn’t spend a nickel to make a movie better unless it returned him a dime. He didn’t have the luxury of time here but I can’t help think that with a little better planning and some creative writing even the twists could have been successful. As it exists, however, AMRU 2.

Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

The Navy brings researchers to an island with an abandoned research facility. The previous occupants disappeared with no trace. What could have happened to them? Spoiler alert: they were eaten by crab monsters.

Well, the island experiences strange earth quakes, giant holes in the ground open up, and they start to hear the ghostly voices of their departed colleagues. It seems that when the crabs eat people, they gain their knowledge. How did they get so mutated? Atomic radiation. Oh, yea. That old chestnut.

I watched this for one reason only. On my way home from work I heard of the death of Russell Johnson, the great Professor from Gilligan's Island. Dedicated readers will also remember him from This Island Earth and It Came from Outer Space. He was a hard working actor, all around nice guy, and a bone fide war hero, earning the purple heart during World War II. But enough about Russ, back to the movie.

If goofs are your thing, then you are in luck, because goofs are this movie's thing. It would be tedious to mention them all (IMDB lists only seven). Let's take an early scene as an example. Within a yard and a half of shore, one of the Navy doofs falls out of the boat into very deep water. There he sees a giant crab monster and swims frantically to the surface. When the other doofs bring the obvious mannequin back on board, they discover it has no head. Forgetting for the moment that it should have been his feet that got chopped, the rest of the cast act as if this was a regrettable accident and don't find his decapitation all that shocking. Maybe the crabs get stupider as they eat them.

Typical Roger Corman material. Mediocre acting, terrible accents, clumsy scenes, substandard script, forgettable story, but otherwise watchable. Corman is famous for spending $100,000 and grossing a million. But if he could spend $110,000, still earn that million, and make something worth remembering, he wouldn't hesitate to pocket the ten grand. I have a hard time respecting that. Still, maybe because of my fondness for Johnson's Professor, I enjoyed Crab Monsters. Foreshadowing his later role, Johnson even makes a radio out of the unlikeliest of materials: radio parts. Go figure!

Watchable, short, and dumb. Today I give it an AMRU of 3. Rest in peace, Russ.

Women in Cages (1971)

We have women, and they are in cages. But the title leaves so many unanswered question. For instance, what are they wearing? Not much, it turns out.

Did I really watch this? Yea, I did. I recently watched two documentaries about exploitation movies (American Grindhouse and Machete Maidens Unleashed!) and both mentioned this gem. Had to give it a try.

Dumb chick is set up by her boyfriend, who promises to get her out of prison. Actually, he wants to silence her so she can't testify against him. After several bouts of torture from the sadistic Alabama (Pam Grier) who was from Harlem, she decides to escape. Will her cellmates help? Gosh, I hope everything turns out ok.

Check your modesty and acting skills at the door. Of course Roger Corman was involved. This movie succeeds if you enjoy watching scantily clad (and non-clad) women being tortured. Big fan of the former, not so much for the latter. Luckily, the "violence" part of the show is hard to take seriously.

All in all, very skipable movie. Both documentaries were quite enlightening about this kind of movie and were far more entertaining. I had to watch Cages over three days. Continuity was not terribly important. AMRU 2.5. I'm being generous.

"This is going to be just like home, only different!"

Last Woman on Earth (1960)

How best to frame a love triangle? Simple. Kill everyone else on the planet. Rich playboy Harold and his latest trophy wife Evelyn are on vacation in Puerto Rico and along for the ride is straight-laced lawyer Martin. Seems wifey regrets choosing wealth and leisure over love.

Anyhow, they go scuba diving and when they come up, there is very little oxygen in the atmosphere. It seems that somehow there was a temporary interruption of the Earth's atmosphere. Perfectly plausible. Happens all the time. Nighty night, kiddies! Anyhow, the air returns and they soon discover they are the only living animals on the planet. Now, what to do with this hot blond ...

There is a power struggle. Someone wins and someone loses. Not too bad, considering the epically low budget. But let's take another look at the movie poster, shall we? Now, THAT is a movie I want to see! Unfortunately, that movie doesn't exist. Evelyn was ok, I suppose, but come on. Not even close.

I had some misgivings going into this one. First, it was made by my arch-nemesis Roger Corman. Second, it was shot at the same time as Creature from the Haunted Sea, which was truly awful. Don't wait for me to do that one. It was a 1.5 and I won't watch it again. Think To Have and Have Not meets Gilligan's Island meets STUPID. Anyways, I was quite surprised to find this quite watchable.

At first I thought it was a rip-off of The Last Man on Earth, but that came out four years later. The movies had nothing in common except the low budget, the prevalence of death, the very small cast, and the climactic final scene in a church. Come to think of it, they had a lot in common. But, no. Neither story inspired the other.

And back onto the topic of low budgets, the actor playing Martin was credited as Edward Wain but was really writer Robert Towne. He wasn't finished with the script yet so Corman made him an actor and changed his name. How's that for saving on air fare? Towne went on to write movies like Chinatown and Days of Thunder.

Wooden acting, not a real captivating story, cheaply done, and forgettable. Still, very watchable. AMRU 2.5.

The Beast with a Million Eyes (1955)

I've moved The Beast with a Million Eyes to the top of my list because I promised to take part in Project Terrible, a blog-a-thon where we challenge ourselves to watch the worst movies imaginable. This would have been fun had I the time to properly participate, but I don't. This will be my last entry. Sorry guys. After this, I have five movies I've already seen but haven't made time to post.

Don't know the premise of the movie? Don't worry! Evil alien explains it at the very beginning. You see, his species used up their home planet so he wants to take over ours. Damn interlopers! He will accomplish this (all alone, it turns out) by taking over the minds the lower animals first then the lesser men. By doing so, he will be able to watch all mankind. He will be known as The Beast with a Million Eyes!!!!

So, here's how things pan out. Said alien lands in an extremely remote area outside a small family farm. On said farm lives a man, his hysterical wife (that's BEFORE she finds out about the aliens), and his semi-hot daughter. Also is a "handy man" called "Him". He don't have a name so folks just call him Him. Clever. Him don't talk. Him just do his chores and stare at the wife and daughter. Him like pretty women. Him like wife and daughter too.

Father, hysterical wife, and daughter mostly go about their dysfunctional lives almost oblivious to the main plot of the movie. Low flying "air craft" causes lots of glass to break, making hysterical wife extra hysterical. Animals seem to be acting strange causing Father to go "Hmmm." Eventually dad concludes that the only explanation is that an alien must have landed in the desert and is trying to take over the world. It's the only logical conclusion.

So, the family, aided by the deputy, go into the desert to sing combaya and defeat the alien. Wow, did this movie drag! No action, mediocre acting, bland dialog, this movie had nothing. Now, while watching I was waffling between giving it a 2.0 and 2.5. It was, after all, mostly watchable. In the end, it earns a 2. It was boring.

While there were four main characters (not including the alien and animals), there were two others. An old foolish man who gets killed by his cow and Deputy Larry, played by Dick Sargent. Folks may remember him as the second and slightly more butch Darrin Stephens. There may have been a quick scene at the police station, but I forget.

So, before I go, here are my last cuts. Apparently daughter was a "lesser man". The bathing suit she wore would have been appropriate for swimming in January. The alien isn't known as the beast with a million eyes because nobody found out about him until the very end. And how do you expect to take over the world by starting in the middle of nowhere?

Tales of Terror (1962)

In a similar vain as 1963's Twice Told Tales, Vincent Price stars in three stories "inspired" by Edgar Allen Poe. While I've read very little from Nathaniel Hawthorne, Poe and I go way back. The three stories are The Black Cat, which isn't one of my favorites, The Case of M. Valdemar, which I never read, and Morella, which I never heard of. First up is Morella.

Young hottie Lenora (groan) visits dad (Price) who lives in an spooky mansion with cob webs and spiders. Where else would Price live? Lenora discovers mom resting in bed, which is a bit of a shock as she died when Lenora was an infant. Oh, and still blames her for her death.

Next is The Black Cat. Peter Lorre is an old, fat, drunk, layabout who is abusive to his wife. Despite this, his wife is fairly young and kinda hot. While about town he stumbles into a wine tasting being hosted for a famous and renowned wine taster (Price). Lorre proceeds to challenge him to a competition. Here, Price is about as gay as you've ever seen him, although he does use proper wine tasting mouth techniques, don't ask me why I know that. Being a notorious lush prepares one for so few things in life, but apparently one is to be a great wine critic. Lorre and Price strike up a friendship and Lorre brings him home to meet his young, under appreciated, and neglected wife.

The writers decided to combine the story with The Cask of Amontillado, a story I liked much better. Price's character is name Fortunato and they even sample some Amontillado.

The final story is The Case of M. Valdemar, which is based on The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar. Price is a dying man and the only person who can temporarily relieve him of his pain is a mesmerizer (Basil Rathbone). Hot hot hot daughter doesn't like the good doctor and doesn't trust him, but daddy does and that's all that matters. What the doctor wants to do is mesmerize Price at the point of his death to see what happens. Oh, and to nail his hot daughter, but who wouldn't. Unfortunately for everybody, she marries a Chinese millionaire shortly after filming and retires from acting.

Roger Corman directed it while taking a break from doing absolute garbage. Somewhat darker than Twice Told Tales, I found them a little more entertaining and even handed. The sets seemed a little less cheesy. Price, Lorre, and Rathbone reunite in 1963 to do a parody called The Comedy of Terrors. Lorre would do two more undistinguished movies, then the man so amazing in M would pass from this Earth a couple months from his 60th birthday.

I liked it and so did my boys. AMRU 3.5.