The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad (1958)

Sinbad is one awesome sailor! At the brink of exhaustion, he navigates his ship to the island of Colossa, where the crew relax for some R&R. Unfortunately, there's this grumpy cyclops who pays them a less than friendly greeting. While bravely running away from the giant, scary monster, they rescue a mysterious wizard who seems totally trustworthy!

They all return to Baghdad where they enjoy themselves in the green zone and plan Sinbad's wedding to Princess Parisa. It seems that Mr. Wizard dropped his lantern-thingie during the rescue and wants Sinbad to raise an army to return to Colossa and defeat the evil cyclops. Sinbad and his kin politely tell him to go pound sand.

Next morning, the hot Princess Parisa wakes up fully refreshed and about three inches tall. Mr. Wizard says the only cure needs the shell from a Roc, which can only be found on the island of Colossa. Hmmm ...

In addition to the roc and cyclops there is a dragon, a skeleton, and other stop-motion fun. Sinbad was obligatory after watching Jason a couple weeks earlier, and it didn't disappoint. I think Jason was a bit better, but I am glad I watched it. My boys are too. AMRU 3.

One note about the hot princess. She was played by the hot Kathryn Grant, who became better known as Kathryn Crosby after marrying some old duff named Bing. She was thirty years his junior and called him a male chauvinist pig after he died. She has since remarried and has had more work done to her face than a strip club bar stool.

It Came from Outer Space (1953)

"And at a deadly pace
it came from outer space
and this is how the message ran ..."

Actually, that message was "go away and leave us alone!" Yup. Fifth movie referenced in the song Science Fiction/Double Feature. Pipe-smoking amateur astronomer (Richard Carlson) and his hot girlfriend (Barbara Bush ... I mean Barbara Rush) see what they assume to be an asteroid. They investigate. They, along with a pilot friend, discover a giant crater. Astronomer boy thinks it's a good idea to climb down to take a look. He sees, not a meteor, but a space ship, complete with aliens. There is a cave in and he barely escapes. The ship is totally covered and nobody believes him. At least, not until some of the townspeople start acting real strange.

I noticed straight away that much of the plot was borrowed for Alien Trespass (2009), right down to the astronomer's pipe and hot wife/girlfriend. Another thing of interest is, see that hot blond on the cover? If she has a full half-minute of screen time I'd be surprised. Blond, busty, trampy, all good things, but still I'd choose Barb Rush in a heartbeat. She was the girlfriend of a minor character played by the Professor himself, Russell Johnson. He has shown up in two Sci-Fi movies so far.

Not much more to say. We want to trust the aliens. They just want to get out of there. But why won't they show their real forms? Why are they abducting townspeople? How come they leave glitter every where they go? What's up with stealing clothes? And what's the deal with airline food? Am I right, people? Huh?

Two boys and I watched it and we all liked it. AMRU 3.5.

Tales of Terror (1962)

In a similar vain as 1963's Twice Told Tales, Vincent Price stars in three stories "inspired" by Edgar Allen Poe. While I've read very little from Nathaniel Hawthorne, Poe and I go way back. The three stories are The Black Cat, which isn't one of my favorites, The Case of M. Valdemar, which I never read, and Morella, which I never heard of. First up is Morella.

Young hottie Lenora (groan) visits dad (Price) who lives in an spooky mansion with cob webs and spiders. Where else would Price live? Lenora discovers mom resting in bed, which is a bit of a shock as she died when Lenora was an infant. Oh, and still blames her for her death.

Next is The Black Cat. Peter Lorre is an old, fat, drunk, layabout who is abusive to his wife. Despite this, his wife is fairly young and kinda hot. While about town he stumbles into a wine tasting being hosted for a famous and renowned wine taster (Price). Lorre proceeds to challenge him to a competition. Here, Price is about as gay as you've ever seen him, although he does use proper wine tasting mouth techniques, don't ask me why I know that. Being a notorious lush prepares one for so few things in life, but apparently one is to be a great wine critic. Lorre and Price strike up a friendship and Lorre brings him home to meet his young, under appreciated, and neglected wife.

The writers decided to combine the story with The Cask of Amontillado, a story I liked much better. Price's character is name Fortunato and they even sample some Amontillado.

The final story is The Case of M. Valdemar, which is based on The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar. Price is a dying man and the only person who can temporarily relieve him of his pain is a mesmerizer (Basil Rathbone). Hot hot hot daughter doesn't like the good doctor and doesn't trust him, but daddy does and that's all that matters. What the doctor wants to do is mesmerize Price at the point of his death to see what happens. Oh, and to nail his hot daughter, but who wouldn't. Unfortunately for everybody, she marries a Chinese millionaire shortly after filming and retires from acting.

Roger Corman directed it while taking a break from doing absolute garbage. Somewhat darker than Twice Told Tales, I found them a little more entertaining and even handed. The sets seemed a little less cheesy. Price, Lorre, and Rathbone reunite in 1963 to do a parody called The Comedy of Terrors. Lorre would do two more undistinguished movies, then the man so amazing in M would pass from this Earth a couple months from his 60th birthday.

I liked it and so did my boys. AMRU 3.5.

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)

My oldest is a fan of Sherlock Holmes. So was I back in the day. I thought he might enjoy watching Grand Moff Tarkin and Count Dooku. He never got the chance. No television if you can't do your homework. The day before it was due, I watched it alone.

To be honest, I was a little iffy on this. I never read the story and really think Basil Rathbone when I think Holmes, and the 1939 treatment is really the definitive one. That said, Peter Cushing made for a better than fair Holmes.

Christopher Lee is Sir Henry, the heir to the Baskerville estate. He became the air when dear Sir Charles passes away, possibly done in by an evil hound. Seems this hound has made a habit of chowing down on the Baskerville heirs, starting many years ago with Sir Hugo, in punishment for slicing up this servant girl, who totally deserved it, what with her not wanting to be his whore and running away and all. Anyhow, family friend and physician Dr. Mortimer hires Sherlock to investigate.

Well, there is an attempt on Henry's life, an escaped convict, an abandoned mine, a hot crazy chick, and lots of good old fashioned Holmesian dialog. I understand there were some significant changes from the book, but again, I never read it. Maybe I will. Certainly I'll watch more Sherlock Holmes. Unfortunately, with the exception of some TV work, Cushing never did Holmes again.

Not overly thrilling but engrossing never-the-less. I'm sorry my boy had to miss it. Maybe I'll get it again. AMRU 3.5.

Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

The bulk of my TV time allotment was used up by the Olympics. Coinciding with the Olympics, two things events occurred in the last few weeks that have influenced my movie watching. One was my wife insisting we all go see Percy Jackson and the Olympians. We all liked the movie and it got me thinking of the Greek myths. Another thing was that Leonard Maltin suggested The 7th Voyage of Sinbad in his movie a day calendar. No, not Greek by any stretch, but Ray Harryhausen, who did the special effects for Sinbad, later did the effects for Jason and the Argonauts. I was speaking to a scientist at work (one of two people I know who give a damn about pre-CGI movies) and the following day Jason was left at my desk. I promptly watched and returned it.

Pelias learns that the gods have ordained his conquest of the kingdom of Thessaly, so he does. The gods also will that the dead king's son, Jason, will in turn dethrone him. What's a tyrant to do? Kill the ex-King's offspring, of course. But, dang-it, Jason gets away. Of all the luck.

Many years later, Jason bumps into Bad King Pelias but doesn't recognize him. Pelias learns that Jason is hunting for this Golden Fleece, which is supposed to be totally awesome, and Pelias thinks that's nice, because it will send Jason to the ends of the world.

Jason is helped by Hera (played by the hot Honor Blackman), but she can do so only five times. Jason speaks to her through a creepy headpiece attached to the Argo. Quickly Jason uses up his Hera favors and is mostly on his own. He battles Harpies, a giant bronze man, and rocks with a bad attitude. Hercules loses his boyfriend so he takes off to search for him.

Arriving in Colchis, land of the mystical sheep skin, Jason meets Medea, played by the oh-my-god-hot Nancy Kovack. Jason, kills the Hydra (stabbing it worked, go figure), steals the skin (sitting on a dead tree in the middle of nowhere), evades some awesome skeletons, and returns to his boat with the hot Medea.

Only thing left to do now is set sail and ... credits roll. What? No journey back? No confrontation with Pelias? What's the deal? Is there a Jason II? Nope. That's it. Oh, come on!

The two of my boys that watched really liked it. Apparently the mythology presented is fairly accurate, though the benchmark is rather low. The fact that just about everybody's voice was dubbed was annoying, but I would consider seeing it again. AMRU 3.5.

Sinbad has already been picked up from the library. Oh, by the way. Percy Jackson was very accurate to the Greek myths, but apparently not at all to the books. Athena's daughter is hot.

Laura (1944)

Several weeks ago I picked up Laura and watched about two thirds of it before it failed. I tried cleaning it without success. It wasn't due yet, but I took it back to the library hoping they could quickly run it through their cleaning machine. There was a hold on it, so instead they checked it in. The library itself had placed the hold for the purpose of maintenance. I went out of my way to select a different copy to request. Several weeks later, it arrived. I'm certain it was the exact same copy. Not flawless, but I watched it uninterrupted, with my youngest son.

Laura (Gene Tierney) is dead. Murdered in her own apartment. Dana Andrews is Detective Mark McPherson. He first interviews fussy newspaper writer Waldo Lydecker (Clifton Webb) and learns a little about Laura. The two then visit Laura's would-be fiancee, Shelby Carpenter (Vincent Price) who is staying with Laura's aunt (nudge nudge, wink wink). Waldo does not like Shelby.

Through the investigation we learn that Laura was a singular individual. Beautiful, charming, talented, kind, she had it all. We wonder who could want to kill her while we learn that each suspect has a possible motive. Then, the story twists, making us reevaluate all we have learned.

Wittier than expected dialog, great acting, and a top notch story, it's hard to find fault with Laura. Webb's Waldo in particular has some great lines:

"I don't use a pen. I write with a goose quill dipped in venom."
"In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject quite so worthy of my attention."
"It's lavish, but I call it home."
"I should be sincerely sorry to see my neighbor's children devoured by wolves."

Price, too has some great ones:

"I don't know a lot about anything, but I know a little about practically everything."
"I can afford a blemish on my character, but not on my clothes."

The Providence Library will be showing Laura later in the month and had this disk failed, that's where I would have been. In fact, I may still. Laura was awesome. AMRU 4.5.

Gene Tierney was hot.

Vertigo (1958)

The last of the film noir movies showing at the Providence Public Library was last Sunday. Or so I thought. They added six more dates including one movie that had been cancelled due to weather. I convinced my wife to see Vertigo.

Scotty Ferguson (James Stewart) is a detective afraid of heights. It happened all of a sudden, one day while dangling by his fingertips over certain doom. Rather than become a desk jockey, he retires. Midge Wood (Barbara Bel Geddes) is his cute college buddy who he never managed to hook up with.

Gavin Elster (Tom Helmore), an old college friend, stops by to hire Scotty. Seems his hot, young, trophy wife (Kim Novak) is haunted, and that concerns 'oll Gavin. He wants Scotty to keep an eye on her.

Turns out that Madeleine has a great grandma who committed suicide, and g-gram seems to be sending Madeleine on the same career path. Can Scotty save her? She sure in purdy!

Despite being an early critical and financial failure, this is regarded as Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece. AFI ranks it the tenth greatest film and best in the category of Mystery. Just about every organization that likes to rank films, ranks near the top. Even IMDB ranks it 40th (behind The Matrix and all three Lord of the Ring films, of course). I don't know if was despite or because of this that ...

I was disappointed.

Sacrilege, I know, but that's where I ended up. The high point is the story. It made sense from all angles, a rare feat with mysteries. Also, it was a visually appealing film. What I disliked was, well, Stewart. His stammer was charming back in his youth, and worked for him as a troubled banker, but as a 49 (and not looking a day over 51) year old detective, he was a muttering old fool. And what's this about it being film-noir? Noir is supposed to be a hard-boiled detective story. Stewart was soft boiled, at best.

And I must say something about the tedious pans and overdone score. I was really getting sick of the violins.

There also seems to be a missing scene. Midge (way too young to have gone to college with Stewart) visits Scotty in the Boobie Hatch (spoiler alert!), has a brief conversation with the doctor, then disappears from the movie. Then suddenly Scotty is roaming the streets, apparently fully recovered. Transition, please!

I know the reputation Vertigo has. It had many great elements. Maybe it's a victim of high expectations, I don't know. AMRU 3.

Kim Novak was hot.