The Wicker Man (1973)

Sergeant Howie from the mainland (Edward Woodward) receives an anonymous letter that a child on Summerisle has gone missing and nobody appears to care. He flies in to investigate.

At first the locals deny the girls existence, then when he finds out she does, he is told she has died. And the mystery deepens from there. But what concerns Howie most is the strange, unchristian behavior of the locals. Christopher Lee plays Lord Summerisle in a silly wig and sideburns, and Britt Ekland is hot dancing naked.

The main point of conflict here is Howie's tightly wound Christian beliefs against the pre-Christian sensibilities of the island folk. His authority is clearly limited to the investigation at hand but his judgement of the people rises above that.

Every now and again, I am pointed to The Wicker Man as a seminal work of horror. IMdb gives it high marks, and if you listen to the actors, they declare it one of the greats. Cinfantastique magazine called it the Citizen Kane of horror, which is more than a stretch. I don't count Kane as the greatest film ever, but it's flawless movie making was remarkable. There were more than a few flaws in Wicker. Lucky for it, the story was more interesting.

But maybe the movie would have been better had the original negatives not been immediately destroyed and the film cut to ribbons upon release. Apparently, British Lion was sold during the production of the movie and the new owners hated the film. Much has been restored, but there are apparently still missing scenes and significant film and audio quality issues.

I think what interests people most, apart from the delightful nudity, is it's ambiguity. Who exactly is the villain? The pagan island folk or the moralistic cop? Maybe a matter of opinion. Also, this may be the first film to accurately depict pre-christian culture and ceremonies.

The Citizen Kane of nothing, but still a movie very much worth watching. AMRU 3.5. Britt Ekland was hot.

"Sergeant Howie: Your lordship seems strangely... unconcerned.
Lord Summerisle: Well I'm confident your suspicions are wrong, Sergeant. We don't commit murder here. We're a deeply religious people.
Sergeant Howie: Religious? With ruined churches, no ministers, no priests... and children dancing naked!
Lord Summerisle: They do love their divinity lessons.
Sergeant Howie: [outraged] But they are... a-are NAKED!
Lord Summerisle: Naturally! It's much too dangerous to jump through fire with their clothes on!"

The Mummy's Hand (1940)

A down-on-his-luck anthropologist (Dick Foran) comes across an ancient vase in a bazaar that may hold the key to the location of the tomb of a princess. He convinces his good buddy (Wallace Ford) to buy it and they take it to the Cairo Museum, but it is declared a fake by Dr. Andoheb (George Zucco). Turns out, however, that the good doctor moonlights as the newly anointed High Priest of Karnak and isn't too keen on whitey pillaging the sacred artifacts of his homeland. Not to be deterred, our heroes con a magician (Cecil Kellaway) into financing their expedition.

Let's have some mummy back story, shall we? Way back when Kharis (Tom Tyler) tried to steal the sacred Tana leaves in order to bring his true love, Princess Ananka, back to life. He is caught, buried alive, and said leaves were used to keep him that way to ensure his torture. The tomb our heroes are looking for is hers, but the mummy they find is his. And Andoheb gives it a mega-dose of Tana to turn him into "an uncontrolled monster, a soulless demon with the desire to kill and kill".

It's a comedy, ladies and gentlemen. Not a pure comedy, but certainly played for laughs in equal measure to thrills. Ford played something akin to Costello to Foran's not Abbot. Foran is more leading man then straight man. Gosh, think he'll hit it off with the magician's pretty daughter? Yes, of course. Don't be stupid. Perhaps you remember Ford as Phroso the Clown in Freaks.

Why did it take eight years for a sequel? I'm guessing the Frank and Drac show ran a bit thin and they needed to expand their horror horizons. Here's where they'd use the word "Reboot" had it existed. Why his 'hand'? Not sure. Maybe because he would get more use of his arm and foot once he got more of that luscious tana oil. Not much for laughs or thrills, nor much originality in the story. Maybe I should try to track each time the lumbering monster carries away the fainted maiden leaving the heroes to frantically search for her. Still, it was worth watching. AMRU 3.

Word of note: when planning the "theme" for this October, I had decided on vampires. Then I thought Mummies. Finally I decided on witches. Then I watched this. Way to stick to a plan, Fred.

Three on a Match (1932)

Three women who went to school together serendipitously meet up again. Mary (Joan Blondell) was the bad girl who spent time in reform school, Ruth (Bette Davis) went to secretary school, and Vivian (Ann Dvorak) who went to finishing school and married rich. Vivian has a bit of a crisis and runs off with a dashing young neer-do-well. This troubles here newly refound school chums greatly.

Viv's new beau (we'll call him Michael) has run up some gambling debts, so he tries to blackmail her ex by threatening to tell the press that his new wife was a bad girl who spent time in reform school. This doesn't work so he decides to kidnap their son. When the gamblers find out what Michael has done, they take over and raise the stakes.

Pronoun trouble, I know. It all makes sense on screen. Anyhow Bogart was one of the heavies. The two biggest names had fairly small parts. Bogie had five more years before anyone took him seriously. About the same for Davis.

Joan Blondell was a total hottie back in the day. I had seen her in a couple other movies during her old and fat days. Dvorak was a rising star back in the day but tried to have her contract terminated when she found out that she was being paid the same as the actor playing her 5 year old son. Davis was almost an afterthought here, not really playing a part in the story.


Well, this pre-code gem was supposed to be something but I didn't find it terribly interesting. Pre-code because it dealt with adultery, drug addiction, and briefly in a montage sequence it showed two women dancing. Horrors! Something of a snooze-fest, actually. AMRU 3. Speaking of horror ...

Psycho (1960)

Poor Marion (Janet Leigh)! Her boyfriend is too poor to get a divorce, so she makes a rash decision. She grabs forty grand from her employer and makes a mad dash for California. Along the way she takes shelter at the Bates motel. Young Norman (Anthony Perkins) is quite fond of the Milfish Marion, but Mother disapproves. So after a brief rendezvous in the shower, Norman is left to clean things up.

Soon Marion's boy toy and her cuter sister Lila (Vera Miles) are on the hunt for the naughty girl. Also in hot pursuit is a detective looking for the cash.

In the past I've summed up the kind of horror movies I like as being "Pre-Psycho". It seemed to me that horror made a dramatic shift, one towards a more psychological form. I still believe this, but this boys film education has me to reconsidering my appreciation. What Psycho did was progress styles and themes already in existence, case in point Diabolique. The signature Hitchcock style makes every tense scene seem so much more so, almost unbearably so. He just drags the emotion out of you. Here it worked.

Perkins' acting is worth a second look. Creepy, frightened, timid, and sexually repressed, his nuanced performance was out of this world. He deserved a nomination. Leigh got one her shower scene, which is nice. It was one hell of a scene. I remember seeing it on television back in the day. I don't remember being scared, but I do remember seeing something a young boy seldom saw back then. Leigh's out of focus breasts. I didn't see it this time. Can't explain it. Also in the scene was another American film first: a toilet. John Waters thanks you, Mister Hitchcock.

Now, this is Hitchcock, so there's a twist, and it's a twist just about all of the pulse wearing public is aware of. But I say no more of the plot. Respect. AMRU 4.

"A boy's best friend is his mother."

Rocky (1976)

Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) is a bum. He could have been somebody, but instead he does odd jobs for gangsters. It's a living. His life is turned upside down when the reining world champ wants to fight him. You see, the contender had to drop out because of a scheduling conflict and nobody else wants to go up against Apollo Creed. So, for the nation's bicentennial, Creed chooses a working man. This is the land of opportunity, after all.

So Rocky goes into training. The old man (Burgess Meredith) who hates him so much agrees to be his manager, he goes running in the early hours without a filming permit, eats raw eggs, and punches meat. You know, standard training stuff. In the midst of all this, Rocky is wooing his asshole friend's weirdo sister.

For some, it is unthinkable that a Rocky film actually won an Oscar for best picture. Also keep in mind that Sylvester was nominated for best actor AND best original screenplay. Unthinkable, but true. What was unthinkable to me was that I had never seen it.

So, how low budget was this film? How much of a risk was it to make? When the studio found out that Stallone demanded to star in it, they cut the budget in half, to 1 million. More than that, the producers were told that if it went a cent over budget, they would be personally responsible. They had to front a hundred grand of their own money to get the film made. It became the highest grossing film of the year.

Rocky is a slow burn, spending much more time on the love interest than the fight. When the fight comes into focus, it's seen through the filter of the budding romance. So, one of the most iconic sports movie ever (and the only to win best picture) was in fact a romance.

And a good film at that. I hadn't seen any of it's best picture competitors, but it's a fair selection. It's gritty, character driven story rings true even when elements become far fetched. I'll consider a second viewing. AMRU 3.5.

"I think we make a real sharp couple of coconuts - I'm dumb, you're shy, whaddaya think, huh?"

What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Secret Agent tries to help a nation get a spot on the globe by stealing an egg salad recipe. Fastest summation ever.

What this REALLY is, is a convoluted Japanese spy movie that an American studio bought the rights to but decided they couldn't do anything with it. So, they gave it to Woody Allen to play with. What he did was dub the voices to completely change the plot to something completely foolish. Mission accomplished.

Along the way the studio fattened the movie up by including scenes with crappy 60's band The Lovin' Spoonful.What we are left with is an amusing diversion with a very MST3K feel to it. What needs to be known is that the original movie was Key of Keys and was quite popular in Japan, and this was Allen's first directorial credit. Not bad. Keeps your interest. Not going to fall to the floor laughing, but worth an occasional snicker. AMRU 3.

"Woody, since the story is a bit difficult to follow, would you mind giving the audience and myself a brief rundown on what's gone on so far?"
"No."

The Land that Time Forgot (1975)

World War One German U-boat sinks a passenger ship. A small number of survivors attack the U-boat and take it over (it could happen). They set sail for the closest friendly port but the nasty Germans tamper with the compass and head south instead of west. Out of provisions and fuel, they discover an island. And island that time has forgotten about, apparently.

They decide on an uneasy alliance while they try to refine petroleum from a tar pit into sub fuel. Meanwhile, they explore their new home. Apparently the more upstream you go, the more "evolved" things become. So, that's why there are dinosaurs living alongside hominids. Explains everything.

I watched this for two reasons. First, I vaguely remember seeing a similar movie as a kid and wondered if this was it (it was), and secondly, because of an old britcom my wife was watching. A Fine Romance is about a middle aged Judi Dench and the passionless relationship she is in (interestingly, with her real life husband). Old Judi has a hot young sister played by Susan Penhaligon, who six years earlier was a survivor of a passenger ship torpedoed by a German U-boat and later had to run away from giant puppet dinosaurs.

As I mentioned, I did see this movie as a kid (8ish) but I remembered nothing of the story. I would see a scene and just knew what would happen next, and it would. Well, not much else to say here. Amusing, nostalgic, not much else. No good quotes to end with. AMRU 3.