When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)

Sanna and two other women are being sacrificed to a glowy thing in the sky for the crime of being born with a blonde wig. But Sanna escapes and is rescued by the handsome Tara from another tribe. He is already paired with the beautiful Ayak, but blonde wig, am I right?

Soon Sanna is cast out by her new tribe because of the glowy thing in the sky, and befriends a dinosaur. Believing her dead, Tara goes about his life of dealing with dinosaur mayhem. It’s the classic story. Cave boy meets cave girl, cave boy loses cave girl …

An unofficial sequel to One Million Years B.C., it features all the tropes of the genre. Scantily clad cave people, nonsense language, throw-away story, hominids coexisting with dinosaurs, and scenes stolen from better pictures, this time The Lost World (1960). At first I thought for a G rated film, the women were wearing some seriously PG-13 costumes. Things escalated when the costumes came off. Only the American edit was G. Still …

The stop-motion dinosaurs and their interactions with the human cast (and not the lizards in prosthetics from The Lost World) were actually quite good, resulting in an Oscar nomination. And Victoria Vetri was quite beautiful. She had a small part in Rosemary’s Baby but her career would never fully take off. She would spend six years in prison for the attempted murder of her husband.

There’s not much else to say about the film. The story really is a nothing burger, not far afield of a modern rom-com. There are quite a few of these films, but I doubt I have the stamina to watch many more. That said, I kind of enjoyed it, even if it was more than a little forgettable. AMRU 3.

Three Ages (1923)

Three stories of love, set during the prehistoric, Roman, and modern times. Buster, of course, is our underdog protagonist, Margaret Leahy is the object of his affection, and Wallace Beery is his brutish competitor.

Twenty year old Leahy was a beauty contest winner, the 1923 Wampus Baby Star (which was a thing), and was signed to a three year movie contract. She was fired from her first film for being terrible and overweight before appearing here with Buster. Negative reviews followed and thus ended her film career. She married a businessman but divorced him because he forced her to wear last season’s fashions. Life was tough for her. Distraught after her mom passed, she drowned her sorrows with Draino. She was 64.

But this is the beginning of Buster Keaton as we know him today. The first of a dozen films he had creative control before selling his soul to MGM. Three Ages was done in three eras so if it failed, he could release them as three separate shorts. Fortunately this did not happen and a star was born.

Perhaps not as inventive as his later work, Three Ages still contains comic bits that hold up today. His sundial wrist watch has been done many times since but likely not prior. It has tedious moments intermingled with genuine laugh out loud gags, plus a pretty fair stop motion dinosaur. AMRU 3.5.

The Maltese Falcon (1931)

A private detective becomes caught up with a shady group scheming to steal a jewel encrusted falcon statuette worth millions.

It is hard not to compare this film with the 1941 masterpiece, especially since the major beats of the story are the same. The tone, however, is quite different. Also, the story makes sense. While John Huston wrapped every character’s motivation in mystery, director Roy Del Ruth was more respectful to his short attention span audience.

Ricardo Cortez’ Sam Spade is a smarmy womanizer in fancy suits compared to Bogart’s world-weary detective. While Bogart seldom cracked a smile, the smirk on Cortez’ face did not disappear for more than a moment. Spade approached every woman with an uncomfortably handsy eagerness. The relationship with Archer’s wife is an ongoing affair rather than a regrettable past indiscretion. And then there is how he behaved towards his secretary.

Lost in the mix is how the film features three big female stars of the era: Bebe Daniels as our femme fatale, Una Merkle as Sam’s secretary, and Thelma Todd as the bitter Mrs. Archer. While these names may not be familiar to the casual film fan, they were pretty big names in their day.

Daniels was a bona-fide leading lady in her day, taking top billing here, but did very little post 1940. Merkle, quite charming in her small role, had a long film and TV career but never seemed to graduate to leading lady. And Todd was a successful comedian, appeared in two Marx Brothers films, and teamed with Patsy Kelly for many successful shorts. Murdered by criminal elements before her 30th birthday, the LAPD did a thorough “nothing to see here” investigation and ruled it a suicide.

Hey, look, it’s Dwight Frye as Wilmer. You remember, Renfield. None of the other male actors had noteworthy careers.

The Maltese Falcon started out pretty rough. Early talkies have a shouty quality and the dialog was pretty stilted, but I quickly got used to it. I did find it annoying that our three ladies looked too much alike. I was sometimes unsure which pretty petite blonde I was looking at. In the final analysis, I cannot overstate how superior the remake is over this. Just about every aspect of film making is markedly better. But that’s not to say the original isn’t interesting in its own right. Fans of the latter should see it. For everyone else, AMRU 3.

Queen of Blood (1966)

In the futuristic world of 1990, Earth makes contact with an alien race. The aliens send an ambassador, but they crash land on Mars. Our intrepid astronauts go on a rescue mission but a “sunburst” damages their vessel and they might not have enough fuel to return to Earth. So, a second rescue mission is dispatched with the only ship available: one that doesn’t carry enough fuel to land on Mars. I didn't get it either. Instead they land on Phobos, and from there they can take their escape vehicle to Mars. Problem is they find the alien ambassador, injured, on Phobos, and she (it’s a lady ambassador!) must take one of the two seats in the escape vehicle, while one astronaut remains behind.

Long story short, she’s some kind of green skinned alien vampire creature.

John Saxon is our heroic leading man. He had a long career of B movies and television guest appearances. His menacingly strong looks served him well in lead and villain roles. I most associate him with Enter the Dragon, which I haven not covered yet for some reason. Cub astronaut Paul is played by Dennis Hopper. I hardly recognized him.

The big name is Basil Rathbone, on the final hole of his storied career. He was very much in the “read lines while on camera for money” stage of his career. He was also roped into appearing in Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, which was ripped off from Planeta bur (1962). Peter Bogdanovich would later edit Basil out and make Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, because Mamie Van Doren.

Basil would pass a little over a year after the film’s release, but still had time to appear in the classics The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini and Hillbillys in a Haunted House. They sound dreadful. I must watch.

Long shots of the aliens and their world have a surreal appearance heightened by the trippy music. This contrasts in style and tone with the main story because those scenes were stolen from two higher budget Russian films, Mechte navstrechu (1963) and Nebo zovyot (1959). Was Roger Corman the producer? Of course he was. Much of the story comes from the first of the two, and the second was Americanized as Battle Beyond the Sun. After we meet lady ambassador monster near the midpoint, those sets are gone and we are left with the sparse Corman sets.

Queen of Blood is a watchable, if confounding film. Too convoluted for its own good (see paragraph one) and the action is facilitated by the characters being dumb. It's not without its charm, but much of that charm came from better films. AMRU 2.5.

Mildred Pierce (1945)

Mildred’s (Joan Crawford) husband is murdered then we see her frame someone. We then learn of her life in flashback. How she struggled and sacrificed to provide for her daughter, and how nothing was ever good enough for the haughty Veda (Ann Blyth).

Approaching 40, Crawford fought for the meaty role that other actresses shied away from. She was only thirteen years older than Blyth but once you are the mother of a teen, you can’t go back to leading lady roles. Fifteen years later Sophia Loren would thwart conventional wisdom with Two Women. Director Michael Curtiz wasn’t keen to work with the notoriously difficult Crawford, and they did butt heads, but would eventually learn to work together.

An unconventional noir, but it has all the elements. Crime, ambiguity, expressionist cinematography, a tight, biting script, and a femme fatale, though we are not initially certain who. But the story is told entirely from Mildred’s point of view. Not a hard bitten detective with a checkered past, but a wife and mother who bakes pies and strives to provide for her daughter.

It’s always nice to see Rydell High’s Eve Arden in a sizable role. Jack Carson made for a wonderfully slimy womanizer. I don’t recall his character from the few other films I’ve seen him in, but I’ll be sure to take notice next time. Seventeen year old Blyth was excellent as the petulant Veda, earning her an Oscar nom.

If I have any criticism of Mildred Pierce is that it felt a little long and talky through the middle, but that may say more about me than the movie. Script, story, and acting, it is solid all the way through. It earned Joan her only Oscar and did for her career what she hoped. And with that, I have reviewed my 700th film. AMRU 4.

“Personally, Veda's convinced me that alligators have the right idea. They eat their young.”

Marty (1955)

Marty (Ernest Borgnine), a middle aged butcher, has given up on finding love, but his mom convinces him to go to a dance hall. It seems that there are tomatoes there. A man there ditches a girl he came with to go off with another, and Marty feels bad for her. They hit it off but he is pressured to brush her off.

The good-natured Marty finds someone he might be happy with but she isn’t pretty enough for his friends, or Italian enough for Ma. Marty touches on loneliness, self worth, and independence. And does so in a very simple and heartwarming manner. We watch young men looking for something to do on a Saturday night that would have resonated with young men in the mid-50’s and the mid-80’s. Today, the same people would stay home, put headgear on, and play online games throughout the night, but that’s just the grumblings of an old man.

Borgnine, of Mermaid Man fame, was mainly a heavy to this point in his career, but the unexpected success of Marty would improve the quality of his roles. Of eight Academy Award nominations, it won four Oscars including best picture and best lead actor. Maybe this is because of the movie’s refreshingly positive tone, or maybe because the for your consideration budget was higher than the actual production budget. Whatever works.

TV’s Jack Klugman had an uncredited role and I was surprised to see Frank Sutton, whom people my age will remember as Sgt. Carter. Oscar winning screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky also got a cameo. I don’t know much about him but film nerds speak his name in hushed voices. Those people, am I right?

Marty is just a pleasant watch. It provides a nice look into a particular slice of life that doesn’t really exist anymore. I don’t know if it was actually the best film of 1955, but I haven’t seen much that was nominated. But then again, Night of the Hunter wasn’t nominated.

“See, dogs like us, we ain't such dogs as we think we are.”

The Major and the Minor (1942)

Susan (Ginger Rogers), disillusioned with life in New York City, decides to move back home. Unfortunately, fares have increased and she can no longer afford her ticket. So naturally she dresses as a minor to get a half fare. The train ushers don’t buy it so she hides in the cabin of an Army Major (Ray Milland). He doesn’t doubt her for a second and they strike up a friendship.

Ginger Rogers has a youthful appearance and pulls off the child look to a degree, but it is a big ask of the audience to think that anyone taking a close look would actually believe she is a child. Major Kirby’s fiance sees Sue-Sue without pigtails and get’s the “wrong” idea, only to become convinced once the pigtails return.

Let’s get the big issue out of the way, which is the budding relationship between a 35 year old, engaged Army Major and someone he believes to be under twelve years old. That the viewer knows full well from the beginning that Susan is an adult helps keep the creep factor at bay, aided by the fact that Rogers is simply not believable as a preteen. Also, Billy Wilder’s comedic script keeps the tone light and deftly side-steps problematic notions.

Susan stays with the Major’s fiancee (Rita Johnson, two years younger than Ginger), bunking with her little sister (Diana Hill). Hill’s Lucy not only sees through the ruse but explains in detail why. They live at the cadet training institute that fiance's dad runs and Susan attracts the sometimes toxic attention of the none-the-wiser teenaged cadets.

Longtime screenwriter Wilder was given a chance to direct a Hollywood feature, and the result isn’t bad. It’s not one of his best, but certainly not a misfire. Not as funny or moving as his best work, and I didn’t care for the conclusion, but that’s setting a high bar. AMRU 3.