Vampyr (1932)

Hmmmm ...

Still not sure what to make of this one. An early 30's horror movie. That should be right in my wheel house. You'd think I wouldn't have to turn it off half way because it was putting me to sleep, but that's what happened. I finished it up the following night.

This is the story of Allan Gray, a young man obsessed with the occult, who happens on an Inn where he finds evidence of a Vampyr! First, in the middle of the night, some old dude saunters into his room and leaves a package with a note that it should be opened in the event of his death. Then he follows around shadows while they go and .... I don't know what they are doing. Eventually the old dude is shot by a shadow, a young woman becomes sick, and lots of surreal scenes are shot using primitive camera techniques.

This is not an easy movie to watch. Although it's not a silent film, it might as well have been. Most of the story is revealed in title cards using a hard to read gothic font and there is almost no dialog. Characters are introduced without explanation and the story line is convoluted at best.

Still, the movie has some merit. Very stylish and atmospheric, it scores high points for originality. The disembodied shadows running around was an interesting technique and the use of double exposures and backwards film may have been avant garde back then. But the pacing was tedious and the action non-existent. Thankfully it was only 72 minutes.

The movie could stand a second viewing, if for no other reason than to figure out what the hell was going on. I can't imagine seeing it again, unless I happen upon a fully restored showing at a film festival. The Netflix streaming copy is in need of some TLC. AMRU 3.

Before I end, take a look at the wikipedia entry for the movie. A lot went on with the making that I found interesting. Very low budget using non-actors, it was filmed for three languages and constantly re-edited. The cast stayed at the inn it was filmed in, which proved very uncomfortable. Oh, and the director ended up in a mental hospital. So it goes.

Platinum Blond (1931)

Stew Smith (Robert Williams) is a newspaper reporter covering a society story. Seems a foolish young man of breeding and culture made some hard to keep promises to a lowly chorus girl, and she has the love letters to prove it. Stew meets with the Schuylers to get the story, where he meets our titular character.

Funny, isn't it how whenever someone refers to a character for whom the movie is named as "titular", that seldom that someone is either male or flat-chested. Apropos of nothing, that character is played by our very own Jean Harlow.

Boy meets Girl, boy earns the trust and respect of girl, boy MARRIES girl, girl's family approves not at all of the situation, work-a-day boy becomes a fish out of water, or more appropriately, a "Bird in a Gilded Cage", and starts to go a little nuts. We've seen the story a million times.

Jean was the biggest name and, as indicated earlier, the "titular" character, but the movie is really about Stew and Gallagher (Loretta Young). Gallagher is a woman, but not a real woman. She's one of the guys, a real pal. Seems our Stew never noticed how Gallagher absolutely glowed in soft focus. Live and learn.

Now, I didn't know anything about Loretta Young. I found out later that she had a child out of wedlock with Clark Gable (while he was still married, no less!) and is best remembered for her TV series. Back in the day, however, she was hot. 18 when the movie was released, she stood up to the more veteran actors and out shined Harlow herself.

It was kinda nice to go back to Capra thumbing his nose at society muck-a-mucks, and the performance of Williams was strong (and who doesn't like a little depression jiggle), but the movie left me somewhat flat. A little punching up of the script would have served it well. AMRU 3.

We all know that Capra and Young went on to long successful careers in cinema, and that Harlow went on to a tragic and short life, but Williams wins the cupie doll today. The sharp and witty reporter dropped dead of appendicitis three days after the premiere. So it goes.

"Yea, I know those bluenoses. Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower because they didn't want to rub elbows with the tourists... So they swam over!"

Bowery at Midnight (1942)

Smack dab in the middle of Hollywood's obsession with New York City's Bowery district is Bowery at Midnight. Bela Lugosi is respected family man and psychology professor Frederick Brenner. But by night he leads a double life as kindly soup kitchen operator Karl Wagner. But later at night he leads a triple life as criminal mastermind, also Karl Wagner.

Apparently Bela uses the soup kitchen to recruit criminals to explore his own fascination of crime and murder. When does this man sleep? When one of his students visits the kitchen in order to surprise his hottie fiancee, he is surprised himself to bump into Prof Bela. Bela is eager to further his students education by bumping him off. Wonder how things will work out?

Not much of a movie. The only reason why I watched it was because another Lugosi movie I intended to watch on Netflix streaming was going offline, and the last couple days it was available, Netflix was "performing maintenance" on the title. Well, it's gone now and I never got to see it.

Time to split hairs. What is "horror"? Making the audience feel fear is not enough, otherwise many movies would fit the bill, plus quite a few baseball games. No, there must be an element of evil or the supernatural. Sure, Bela was evil, but if Jimmy Cagney played the role, there would be no doubt that this is a crime drama, not a horror flick. But because Bela plays the staring role, it's horror. No dice, pal. Didn't work for The Bat either.

Now, there is one horror element. According to IMDb, this is a Zombie film. Sure, add some zombies and Bam, you got yourself a bona fide horror film. Problem is, the zombies (if that's what they are), were added into the script as seamlessly as attaching a third arm.

Come to think of it, THAT would be a good horror element. But I speak (type) figuratively. Suddenly (spoilers ...) all of the people Bela killed appear in the basement to seek revenge. Were they really dead? Were they resurrected? Who cares, this movie stinks.

Not a horror film. Not a zombie movie. Barely watchable at the best of times. I feel obligated to give it an AMRU 2.5 because it's better than that Revolt of the Zombies trash.

Hey! Real life criminal and murderer Tom Neal is in it, playing a criminal and murderer! Wow, what casting!

A Night in Casablanca (1946)

This was an experiment. Would the humor of the Marx Brothers translate for a 14 year old boy? Would the Brothers be as funny as I remember? 

A young soldier is convinced Nazi treasure (the best kind) is hidden someplace in a Casablanca hotel, and he is determined to find it. Unfortunately, so are some former Nazis. The hotel manager is murdered by the Nazi in an attempt to take over the hotel, and gaining full access to search. Unfortunately for him, a Mister Ronald Kornblow (Groucho Marx) is brought in. His brothers (the funny ones, anyhow) tag along. 

Antics ensue. Kornblow tries to woo hot Nazi chick (the best kind), soldier is arrested as a suspected Nazi, Nazi tries to knock off Kornblow, and a fun time is had by all. 

Like with Mae West, it's hard to appreciate the originality of humor after it's been duplicated a million times over. Even with that perspective, I couldn't find many of the sight gags funny. What chance did my son? But slowly, over time, he started to appreciate what Groucho was doing. The biting remarks, and comedic put downs:

"Sir, this lady is my wife. You should be ashamed of yourself."
"If this lady is your wife, you should be ashamed of yourself."

His amusing flirtations:

"My name's Beatrice Rheiner. I stop at the hotel."
"My name's Ronald Kornblow. I stop at nothing."

"You know, I think you are the most beautiful woman in the whole world."
"Do you really?"
"No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewhere."

"After all, I'm a man and you're a woman ... and I can't think of a better arrangement."

"Oh, come on now. You wouldn't say no to a lady."
"I don't know, why not? They always say no to me."

In the end, my son was won over. I'm sure it's not the best Marx Brothers film, but it was fun. Groucho referred to it as the last Marx Bros film, but it wasn't. Love Happy (1949) with Marilyn Monroe was, but he hated that movie. AMRU 3.5. I'm putting The Cocoanuts onto my Netflix queue.

Revolt of the Zombies (1936)

Four years after completing White Zombie, the genius team came up with a sequel: Revolt of the Zombies. Instead of Voodoo zombies in Haiti, we have Buddhist zombies in Cambodia. Ah, a fresh take on things.

During the first world war a young army officer (Dean Jagger) tries to convince his superiors that an "oriental priest" can turn men into zombies to help with the war effort. The idea was poo-poo'd. A demonstration is in order.

The demonstration goes perhaps too well and the priest is arrested until he promises to divulge his secrets (Could spell the end of the white race!) He refuses and is murdered. A team is sent to Cambodia (apparently after the war, I think I missed that - YES, I was paying attention!) to find the secret of zombieism. Our hero leaves his post to go to Angkor to do some wildcat research, finds the secret, and is summarily fired before anyone will listen to him. Here is where the spoilers start.

In here we have a love triangle. Our hero has fallen in love with the General's daughter and she agreed to marry him, in hopes that it would make his best friend jealous. Works like a charm and and hero/patsy is left holding the bag. Hero is ditched and the lady and best friend become engaged. So, our Hero takes a page out of his friend and lady friend's playbook and decides he must be ruthless to get what he wants, and he wants that mediocre looking General's daughter back. I wonder if the power to turn men into zombies would come in handy?

In short, Jagger turns just about EVERYBODY into zombies and lords over them like a spoiled schoolboy. His love agrees to marry him if her true love is allowed to return to America unharmed. Then she starts with the head games, just like a woman.

"If you truly loved me, you'd release your control of everybody ...", Blah, blah, blah. wimin! Never satisfied! So, like a dork, he releases his control of the entire supporting cast and extras, who are none-too-pleased with him at this point. He's thinking he has won her true love, but instead every minor character comes crashing through the door to kill him. Roll credits.How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. The sets were uninteresting, the acting not good enough, the heroine, meh, and the story muddled and confused. However, at 65 minutes, it was almost short enough. Unlike White Zombie, the flaws swallow this movie whole.

Unlike many bad movies, this one could not have been fixed. The setting, story, and dialog would have to be redone. The only thing I would keep from this production is the name. It is by far the best part. What's the deal with making the hero the villain? There was a perfectly good villain character! He wore black, murdered a priest, and had a great menacing look. Before he could get going, bam, killed by a zombie! Sounds like a last minute rewrite to me.

Some argued that this was not zombieism but just mind control (figurative zombies), but in fact they are one in the same. Zombies, pre-Romero, are mindless servants, not undead ghouls. Here they were also referred to as "robots". There were no hint that anyone thought the zombies were dead, and that might be the missing part. Close enough for me.

I'm giving this forgettable film an AMRU of 2.5 and before anyone complains, allow me to explain. While every part of this movie was sub-standard (at best), it wasn't painful to watch. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but whatever. This is what I rated it. Can't take it back.

Revolt isn't available via Netflix streaming and I'll be damned if I wait for a CD of THIS movie. I watched it off my TreeLine collection, but you can watch it here.

What's next in my Zombie-a-thon? Not sure. I'll ask around the blogosphere. According to IMDb, it's The Ghost Breakers, a Bob Hope comedy. Meh.

White Zombie (1932)

Shortly before I started this Blog, I watched White Zombie. The video quality was poor but it was good. Halloween was supposed to be the end of exclusive horror movies, but something happened. That something was AMC's The Walking Dead.

My 14 year old plays Zombie games and watches zombie movies when he goes over his friends house, I'm sure. We're a little strict. I decided that he should be allowed to see The Walking Dead, and we are enjoying it very much. So, what happened was the inevitable conversation about Zombies, their history in cinema and folklore, and even though he hates the 'crappy old movies' I always watch, he thought it a good idea to see all of the old zombie movies in chronological order. White Zombie comes first.

Charles Beaumont (Robert Frazer) is a rich plantation owner in Haiti. He invites the hot Madeline Short (Madge Bellamy) and her fiancee (John Harron) to get married in his lush mansion. His true motives come clear when he starts making a play for the bride to be. Bad form, dude.

He is rebuffed, so he resorts to Plan B: have an evil scientist turn her into a zombie. Now THAT is hot. Evil scientist in question is our very own Bela Lugosi, fresh from his stint as Dracula. He overacts most evilly. I don't want to give anything away, but I'll say this: never trust anyone named 'Murder'.

The sets are lush (freshly rented from Universal), the acting good enough, the heroine hot, and the story nicely creepy. Also, at 69 minutes, wonderfully brief. I understand some five or six minutes were cut from the original, which is interesting because there were a few scenes that dragged. Those scenes must have been painful. I give some films credit for using white space effectively, here it was more like dead air. Still, a good creepy movie. And reasonably "historically" accurate. I've seen it twice now and I doubt I'll see it again, unless I get the opportunity to see a fully restored version on the big screen. Sadly, the Netflix streaming version was no better than the public domain copy. AMRU 3.5.

Now, here is a question I haven't seen addressed on other blogs: why is she a WHITE zombie? Is it because our virginal ingenue is adorned in white for her wedding? Or is it because she's a white chick? I'll try not to read too much into that.

How did the movie fare with my teenager? Not so well. He decided it would be ok if he doesn't see ALL of the zombie movies in order. Still, I'll give him the opportunity, but he may be unavailable. Next up would be the impossible to find (and pronounce) Ouanga, so it'll be White Zombie's sequel, the tragic Revolt of the Zombies. The things I do for this blog...

"Before we are through with this thing we may uncover sins that even the devil would be ashamed of."

The Ghoul (1933)

The day before Halloween, I had the opportunity to sit with a beer and a bowl of popcorn and watch an old horror movie. The one I found was Boris Karloff's The Ghoul. Never heard of it before.

Dying Egyptologist Henry Morlant (Boris) spends much of his fortune on "The Eternal Light", an Egyptian relic that is supposed to give the holder life immortality. He orders his caretaker to wrap it into his hand on his deathbed. Professor Henry dies, but his caretaker apparently has sticky fingers, so Boris has to rise without it to seek his vengeance.

Enter into this is an Egyptian who wants to recover the stolen relic, and Boris' bickering niece and nephew (cousins to each other) who inherit his spooky mansion. Also in the mix is an untrustworthy lawyer (is there any other kind?), a vicar, and the niece's spinster friend.

The movie starts exactly as I hoped. Dark and spooky. Sadly, when the bickering cousins appear, the atmosphere is blown away. The niece's friend became comic relief and the horror elements can no longer be taken seriously. According to wikipedia, the movie was capitalizing on two of Karloff's earlier films, The Mummy and The Old Dark House. Also, I learned that the movie is based on a novel but strayed very far from the source material. IMDB says this is the first British talkie. Man, were they behind the times! Oh, and this was the film debut of Ralph Richardson as the vicar.

I liked The Ghoul, but clearly it wasn't a great film. Predictably, I give it an AMRU of 3.