Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)

One more Frankenstein movie! Well, almost.

Lounge singer with unbelievable cleavage (Regina Carrol) is looking for her sister who took in with the terrifying underworld of surfer dudes. Unbeknownst to her, sis's head was chopped off by Chaney Jr. That's ok, though. His boss, Dr. Duryea (J. Carrol Naish), can put them back on. Does it all the time. Ya see, he runs a museum of murder and needs freshly decapitated women to keep his exhibit fresh, or something like that. Or is it that he is the last member of the Frankenstein family and he needs to experiment? And what's up with the idiot bikers? And what, is Dracula being played by Greg Brady?

I could try to piece together the story line of this turd, but it's not worth the effort. What happened is this was supposed to be a biker movie with different lead actors, then it was turned into a monster movie with earlier footage was clumsily spliced in. There is little to no mystery, no horror, and little to distinguish itself. I watched it for no reason than because it was the last film of two horror icons: Great talent J. Carrol Naish and great nothing Lon Chaney Jr. Chaney played a mute head-chopping monster and Naish was a shell of his former self. Skip it. Need proof? Take a look at the Monster. They weren't even trying. AMRU 2.

Instead I will spend my time on Regina Carrol, the only thing here worth looking at. The movie starts with her singing a silly lounge song and I presumed it was dubbed in as she was clearly just eye candy. Turns out, she actually sang the song. So, nice set of lungs. Regina starred in a variety of explotation flicks like Satan's Sadists, Angel's Wild Women, and Girls for Rent. Dracula vs. Frankenstein, despite being in a similar vein, had almost no nudity to speak of. By the way, Regina's husband directed all of them.

Regina retired from Hollywood in the late 70's but continued to perform on stage. She died of cancer at age 49. Less than four months later, director hubby remarried. Less than three years after that, he tragically died when someone popped a cap in his ass.

A Trip to the Moon (1902)

Or, Le Voyage dans la Luna. Oh, la la!

Wizened old scientist proposes a trip to the moon to other wizened old scientists amidst fanfare and women with nice butts. One scientist disagrees but is convinced when he is pelted with books.

They visit the worksite where workers are building their space bullet and cause trouble. Later, the ship is ready for launch. The old men are loaded into the ship assisted by woman with decidedly less than nice butts. They wave to the camera.

A civil war general orders the launch and they are shot to the moon. The trip takes several seconds. The moon is not happy.

The scientists marvel at their surroundings and the sight of an Earthrise. They are narrowly missed by a meteor and decide to take a nap. The stars and planets and whatnot come out, and they awake when it begins to snow. They go underground and find moon mushrooms. They are confronted by exploding moon men and are captured, and taken them to their leader. They blow up said leader and make their escape.

They climb into their bullet craft, push it over a cliff, and land in the ocean. On Earth. A moon man comes along for the ride. They are welcomed as returning heroes and do a dance with the moon man. The end.

Georges Melies wrote, directed, produced, and starred in one of the earliest examples of science fiction. Melies, however, didn't make much money on it. Seems some bastard named Edison pirated his movie and showed it all over America.

The movie seems to be something of a farce. The scientists are comedic, foolish old men. The notion of going to the moon (67 years away, across unthinkable scientific advancement) was laughable back in aught 2. But the movie stands up. Not because of anything it predicted. Just about everything was wrong, not that he cared. The moon does not rotate with respect to the Earth, therefore there cannot be an Earthrise. Not the point, here. But because it was inventive, imaginative, and whimsical. It's a pleasure to watch. I've watched it about four times so far. AMRU 4.

Watch is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMBkDT_eG5g

To Be or Not to Be (1942)

Husband and wife stage actors Joseph and Maria Tura (Jack Benny and Carole Lombard) are in Warsaw when a young pilot (Robert Stack) falls in love with Maria. She tells him to visit her dressing room when her husband starts his soliloquy. You know the one. Very famous.

Anyhow, when the Nazi's invade, Lt. Sobinski flies to England to help with the war effort there. Professor Siletsky, working for military intelligence, lets slip that he will be going undercover to Warsaw, Sobinski asks him to deliver the message "To Be or Not to Be" to Maria. When it becomes clear that Siletsky has never heard of the great Maria Tura, our young Lieutenant becomes convinced he is a double agent. He flies to Warsaw ahead of him to warn the underground. The theatre company uses their theatrical skills to thwart the Nazis.

It was fairly brave of Hollywood to release a movie, early in US involvement (filmed before, actually), that showed the plight of civilians caught up in the crossfire. Heroic Americans Doing Everything Right was de rigueur when they strayed from fluffball musicals. Still, they weren't brave enough to use the word Jew. They implied the Hebrew heritage, but never said it.

This is a comedy, folks. In fact, my 11 year old declared it the funniest of dad's crappy old movies, high praise indeed. It's an interesting blend of grave seriousness and screwball comedy, and done so well that they augment each other rather than detract. Jack Benny, whom I've never seen before, was hilarious. I remember back in the day people trying to explain who Jack was by impersonating him. "Oh, he acted gay", I'd say. Seriously, look at a Benny impersonation and not think that! Anyhow, he was great and the chemistry with Poor Carole was pitch perfect. She would die before the movie was released.

And of course, Lionel Atwill pops up unexpectedly yet again! I didn't notice his name in the credits, but instead recognized him dressed as a Nazi. It was a small role. The movie encouraged me to see the Mel Brooks remake, which wasn't bad. But, sorry Mel, it doesn't hold a candle to the original. AMRU 4. By the way, Brooks isn't afraid to use the word Jew ...

"Maria Tura: It's becoming ridiculous the way you grab attention. Whenever I start to tell a story, you finish it. If I go on a diet, you lose the weight. If I have a cold, you cough. And if we should ever have a baby, I'm not so sure I'd be the mother.

Josef Tura: I'm satisfied to be the father."

The Mummy (1932)

The tomb of an unknown mummy (Boris Karloff) is found in Egypt along with some strange artifacts. When translating a magic spell, a young archaeologist accidentally revives Imhotep, who steals the scroll and lumbers away, leaving the archaeologist a babbling idiot.

What does a high priest freshly revived from the dead do? Well, Imhotep does what anyone would would do. Go looking for chicks. He assists in locating the tomb of his long dead girlfriend, but her dusty goodness trips his trigger no longer. Instead he puts his spell on an archaeologist's hot daughter. She must be the REINCARNATION of his lost love. Yea, we'll go with that.

Way to rip off Dracula, people. We got the risen monster from another age, the reincarnated love theme, the Mina/Jonathan couple, Van Helsing, even the control from a far scenario (ala Potter/Voldermort). Throw in Renfield and sleeping in the dirt from the homeland, and we have a perfect match. It does have one thing Drac didn't, that being a bonefide hottie in Zita Johann. Apparently she exploded on the scene in Hollywood and in three years pissed everybody off and was all but gone.

Not only was this the first time I saw The Mummy, it was the first time I saw ANY mummy movie. Back in the day I had these monster action figures. Drac, Frankie, Wolf Man, Mummy, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I was a Dracula fan back in the day, but it was clear even then that he and the and the Monster were the rock stars of the bunch. In that vein, The Mummy was clearly the fill in keyboard player. The next movie was eight years later and was a remake rather than a sequel.

Having said all that, it's a worthy effort, and well worth watching. There is a back story flashback scene done in the style of D.W. Griffith silent film, and other cool elements. Sure, I'll hit the rest in the line eventually. Don't hold your breath, though. AMRU 3.5.

"Anck-es-en-Amon, my love has lasted longer than the temples of our gods. No man ever suffered as I did for you."

The Red Balloon (1956)

It's an old story. Boy meets Balloon. Boy loses Balloon. Gang attacks Balloon and pops it's cherry-redness. Boy drowns his sorrows in the company of many anonymous balloons. We've heard it a thousand times before.

In a book I am reading (overdue) on film appreciation, it mentions that most American's have been introduced to french cinema with this movie when it was played in schools. Vaguely, I remember watching a film having something to do with balloons that had very little dialogue. I wondered what nostalgic memories it would evoke.

So, the story is thus (ignore that crap I wrote earlier): A boy walking to school finds an unusual red balloon. He can't bring it into school so he tells it to wait for him, and it does. The balloon becomes his friend and follows him where he goes. They have some adventures, but the balloon is threatened by a gang of kids.

What's really interesting about this is the control the director seemed to have over the balloon. Clearly it was rigged, and in one place you can see how, but mostly the effect was excellent. Also, the cinematography was stellar. The city (Paris, I'm guessing) was showcased expertly. Interestingly, it won the Academy Award for best original screenplay even though the entire script could fit on a post-it note.

Winning that, and the Cannes award for short subjects, didn't seem to totally launch career of the young Albert Lamorisse. He did a couple more shots, one feature film, then died in a helicopter crash in Iran. Eight years later, the film he was making was released. His legacy as a filmmaker may be overshadowed by another accomplishment: he invented the board game Risk.

The Red Balloon is charming, visually interesting, and brief (34 minutes). Had I seen it as a child I may be giving it a higher score, but apparently I didn't. AMRU 3.5.

House of Frankenstein (1944)

Or, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man 2.

Not really, but almost. The evil doctor Niemann (Boris Karloff) and his faithful assistant Igor ... I mean Daniel (J. Carrol Naish) escape from prison, commandeer a travelling circus, and head for Visaria in order to take up the good doctor Frankenstein's work. Said circus also happens to feature the bones of Dracula (John Carradine), which if you take the stake out, his evil body reappears.

While searching for Frankenstein's notes in his demolished mansion, they stumble across the body of the Monster (Glenn Strange) and the Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr). Stop me if you heard this one before. Anyhow, Niemann promises Daniel a proper body so that he can woo this hot gypsy chick, promises to keep Dracula's coffin safe during the day, and promises Wolfie that he will kill him. Instead, the douche, he totally uses his new circle of friends to work on his real project: getting the monster back to full strength and killing the people who sent him to prison. And what would a Frankenstein flick be without Lionel Atwill in there someplace. Once again, he plays an inspector.

So, Karloff took a break from Broadway to appear in the movie, but apparently Lugosi wasn't free. Seems he took up Boris' role. Therefore, Carradine becomes a lackluster Dracula. And speaking of which, what, was he in the movie a whole four minutes? The only reason I can imagine for his appearance is to make the movie poster more crowded with monsters and to introduce him for the next movie. I understand there was a thought to include The Mummy as well, but that would have been ridiculous.

A few interesting points: As this movie mostly takes place in "Visaria", which sounds like "Vasaria" where Ghost Of was set, the evil doctor house is that of the other brother's, and he was the least evil of all the Frankenstein's. Nobody from the actual family appears, unless you count the Monster. George Zucco had a small part as the circus owner. I had to go online to find out what role he played. It was all too brief. And, Chaney, Strange, and Naish all died in 1973. Chaney and Naish's collective last movie was the schlocky Dracula vs. Frankenstein, which I totally have to watch.

Thirteen years after the advent of Universal's reign as the king of horror, we are seeing their demise. The appearance of a large, slow moving creature isn't enough to scare audiences anymore and compensating with a monster mash has limited appeal. There is one more, however, but I will explore that with the Dracula line. Eventually.

Despite this, I actually found House Of to be a bit of a rebound for the franchise. It was fun. Doesn't touch the early work, but every bit as good as Son Of. AMRU 3.5.

Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)

Grave robbers rob the grave of Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.) and find his corpse covered with wolfbane. When they remove it, he awakens, transforms, and goes on a rampage. He awakes in a Cardiff hospital. They think he's crazy because he claims to be a dead man.

He escapes to find the gypsy woman (Maria Ouspenskaya) who's son he killed in his last film. She'll help him! She tells him to find the mysterious Doctor Frankenstein! If anyone knows the answer, it'll be him. So, off they go, to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of ... oh, I'll say Vasaria.

Well, Frankie's dead so Larry chugs through the ruins of Castle Frankenstein (which I guess is the mansion from Ghost of) looking for the the late doctors notes, and finds the monster, himself (Bela Lugosi, why not, it was his brain). Frozen in ice. Of course he's still alive. Can't kill a good monster.

So, Larry meets up with the Baroness Elsa Frankenstein (Ilona Massey) who now sports a German accent. Into the mix is the dashing doctor Mannering from the Cardiff hospital and Lionel Atwill as the mayor. Larry convinces her to show the location on her dad's notebook in hopes of finding a way to drain the life from his body. You see, Larry wants to die.

The image of the monster, stumbling around with out-stretched hands is from here. You see, the monster was supposed to be blind. That happened at the end of Ghost of, but they forgot to mention it here. Also, the monster could talk but all of his lines were cut. Go figure.

They swapped actresses for Elsa Frankenstein, but for a good reason. Evelyn Ankers from Ghost of also played Talbot's love interest in The Wolf Man. That would be just weird. Weirder still was the idea of trying to have one actor (Lon) play both lead monsters. That idea was thankfully scrapped.

So, the long slow decline of the Frankenstein franchise continues. Certainly not unwatchable, but disjointed and not as interesting as the previous efforts. AMRU 3. And, yes. Elsa Frankenstein does meet the Wolf Man.