Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

A strange fossil is found in the Amazon that dates to the Devonian age. It appears to be a human arm with webbed fingers. Wishing to find more fossils, they theorize that the sediment that contained them washed downstream, into the Black Lagoon!

Once a living specimen is discovered, good scientist David (Richard Carlson) wants to return better prepared to study this creature, but naughty scientist Mark (Richard Denning) wants to capture it and make a fortune! After David is finally proven to be unequivocally correct, they discover their path out of the lagoon has been barricaded by a Devonian aquatic ape with a penchant for hot chicks.

Here is Universal's last "classic" monster. Back in the 70's they licensed rubber figures of their five rock stars and I had the collection. Recently I found three of them (Drac and Frank are missing, of course). I still have one of the movies left to cover, and that's planned for October. But let's cover the science with today's movie.

There is no Devonian Age. There is, however, a Devonian PERIOD which is before the dinosaurs (420 to 358ish million years ago) nowhere near the 150 myo mentioned in the movie. Also, if Gill Man is supposed to be a distant relative of humans, then the split would have been between 8 and 12 myo. Picking nits? Perhaps, but changing the numbers to reflect actual science would not have impacted the story at all. Get it right, people!

The two men in the rubber costume (one for the land and one when swimming) weren't credited. Seems the marketing department thought that if there was no credit for the monster, people would assume it was real. But someone so stupid would likely not have been able to find their way to the theater in the first place.

Well acted, well made, and lasting cultural impact. Not a great film, but good. Ingmar Bergman thought it good enough to watch every year on his birthday. I'm undecided whether I will watch it again. AMRU 3.5.

Rocketship X-M (1950)

In mans conquest of space, Rocketship X-M (Expedition Moon) sets sail for a three hour tour. A THREE HOUR TOUR! The skipper of this tub is Col. Floyd Graham (Lloyd Bridges). His first mate is navigator Harry Chamberlain (Hugh O'Brian). Along for the ride is the ship's inventor, Professor Karl Eckstrom (John Emery), oh, and we'll say young hottie Lisa Van Horn is Mary Ann and Major Corrington is, I donno, lets go with Mister Howell.

Anyhow, things go amazingly well, except communications go out, they run into that asteroid belt between the Earth and the Moon (you know the one), then the engines shut down for no apparent reason. So, lacking any kind of pocket calculator, they reformulate the fuel mixture longhand and somehow fly wildly off course and end up ... well, not at the moon. Looks like Col. Graham picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Hollywood's first entry in the sub-genre of 50's Rocket and Saucer films, it was rushed to production to beat out George Pal's Destination Moon. In fact, there was so much advanced press for Pal's production, X-M promotional material was labeled "This is not 'Destination Moon'". History remembers the latter as the better film (color is nice), but X-M wasn't so bad. It had a moral (nukes are bad, mmkay), was fairly well acted, and for the time was somewhat reasonable. Judge it not for it's technical gaffs, but for setting the benchmark for what was to come.

Interesting and entertaining, it won't wow your socks off. Nor does it compare visually even to Angry Red Planet. But then again, it's light years ahead of the craptacular Killers from Space. I am glad I saw it and there is little reason to see it again. AMRU 3.

"Poor fear-crazed despairing wretches. Pity them. Pity them!"

The War of the Worlds (1953)

An meteor hits the earth and noted scientist Clayton Forrester (Gene Barry) is called in to take a look. Soon he is teamed up with young hottie librarian Sylvia (Ann Robinson) and notice odd things about the impact. For instance, the creator should have been much larger. Also, when alien war machines come up, that was real odd, too ... Jeesh.

Well, the military is called in and we soon learn that our war machines, so effective against those nasty nazis, are useless against the Martians. As more Martian-bearing meteoroids land over the globe, it becomes a matter of time when the human race becomes extinct.

I saw this once in my youth and never again until last week. In the genre I would have expected it to be high up, but IMDB, the definitive movie ranking system, puts it 187th, behind such powerhouses like Dragon Ball Z and the animated Transformers movie. Such disrespect.

Anyhow, here are a few interesting factoids: Barry and Robinson also appeared together in the 05 version, which I've never seen. The ships from the book walked on three legs, and in this movie they were to walk on three electric beams, but the sparks they used for the special effect became a fire hazard.

At the climax Sylvia and Clayton are separated and each seek out their comfort. For Sylvia, it's the church to pray. For Clayton, it's Sylvia. Classic film, tops in the sub-genre of 50's rocket and saucer movies, and very well made. Weak ending and you can totally see the wires, but AMRU 4 anyhow. What did they have against Venus?

"Guns, tanks, bombs - they're like toys against them!"

Barbarella (1968)

In the distant future, the scientist Durand-Durand (Milo O'Shea) invents a terrible weapon. His last whereabouts was Tau Ceti and the President of Earth sends Barbarella (Jane Fonda) to retrieve him. What follows are her absurd adventures. There really is no point describing the story any further. It's just foolishness. So, what shall we talk about?

How about the bit part by mime Marcel Marceau. For the youngsters in the audience, it's important that you understand two things. One is that there once was an art form called mime, and two, that people actually thought that was a good thing. One could argue that, at least as far as modern pop culture is concerned, Marcel Marceau was the king of mime. Here he was, playing a regular role, no makeup or nothing. Yea, I know. Only I find that interesting. I've come to terms with that realization.

Something else I found out. This movie was released several times, and rated PG. I watched it back in my college days and this version differs in one specific way. While Barbarella on Netflix had fairly little nudity, the video store VHS copy from the 80's had none. Vive la difference.

Barbarella is an absurdist, Flash Gordon-inspired space comedy peppered with cheesy dialog, dated music, and campy innuendo. And, after the 9 minute mark Jane puts her clothes on and it becomes much less interesting. But we did get to see Fonda's boobies back when that was a good thing, so I give it an AMRU of 3.

"What's that screaming? A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming..."

The Golem (1920)

Or, "Der Golem,wie er in die Welt kam".

The story of how the Golem came into the world is told in five Phapters. In 16th century Prague, Rabbi Low melodramatically reads in the stars disaster for the Jewish people, possibly by annoying violins. The next day the king melodramatically orders a decree evicting all Jews from the ghetto. Their crimes are listed as killing Jesus, not observing Christian celebrations, and using black magic. First two, well yea, guilty as charged. But black magic?

To defend his people, Rabbi Low melodramatically creates a circle of fire to summon a melodramatic demon and demands it to give him a magic word that will make a giant clay monster come to life. Sure, but black magic? Nonsense.

Somewhere around Phapter 3 Rabbi brings his melodramatic monster (ok, I'm going to dispense with the melodrama, I think you get the point) to the king (or whatever) to plead his case. During his magic history slide show, the building starts to collapse and kingie says he will spare the Jews if he saves him. So Golem holds up the beam and everyone lived happily ever after.

In Phapter 4 Rabbi Low deactivates Golem because he will become evil. However, some sort of love triangle is going on and a temple lackey (I'll call him Ygor) decides to reactivate clay man and sics him on his rival. Things don't turn out that well. Rival takes a brief flight and Golem runs off with precious Miriam (he drags her cave man style, rather than the conventional Frankenstein/Mummy/Gil Man/Klattu mode).

So (I suppose we're up to Phapter 5 by now) the village is burning and Low must do his fire dance (which puts fires OUT, go figure) to save the ghetto. Meanwhile, a little girl kills the monster. Roll credits.

This is actually the third of the Golem movies. The first two no longer exist save for brief clips available on YouTube. This is likely the best of the three anyhow as it's the one the writer/director wanted to make all along. And by writer/director, I meant the dude who played The Golem. This is the retelling of the Jewish folk tale. The other two were set in the modern day.

The sets were interesting. Very expressionistic. The acting, well, a little over the top. But this movie is remembered for two reasons. One, it's the obvious predecessor of Frankenstein (both in film and in literature), but mostly because of it's depiction of the Jewish struggle with prosecution a decade leading up to the Nazi raise to power. It's very historically interesting.

A little tiring to watch, however. I saw the first three Phapters then fell asleep, and saw the rest the following day. I am glad I watched it because of it's historical legacy, and in the end it held my interest, but with few title cards (and in a hard to read, old-timey font) the story must be followed by the ridiculous acting. During the love triangle part of the story, I didn't know if Miriam actually liked the poof or if she was pretending to as a favor to her father (it was the former).

Two silent movies in a row, a new record. When writing up Laugh, Clown, Laugh, I actually had to re-edit the post because I forgot to use the SILENT label. I had actually forgotten it was a silent movie. With Der Golem, you don't forget that fact. AMRU 3.

Laugh, Clown, Laugh (1928)

Travelling circus performer Tito (Lon Chaney) finds an abandoned child and decides, over the objections of his partner, to raise her. As she blossoms into a beautiful woman (Loretta Young), he discovers he has fallen in love with her. No, that's not creepy at all. Thanks for asking.

Because our sad clown must repress his forbidden love, all he can do is cry. His doctor, realizing that a woman is the blame for his ailment, gives the very bartenderly advice to tell this woman how he feels. As chance would have it, doc was also visiting with a patient who, because he lives a life of frivolity and pleasure, can only laugh. The advice for him is to find a woman, one woman, who he truly loves and settle down. The two men decide to hang out together, and unknowingly, woo the same dame. Go figure.

Another tragic romance for old friend Chaney. Certainly the best so far in the "Imperative, Noun, Imperative" genre of movie titles, edging out "Burn, Witch, Burn". Chaney again proves himself the master of non-verbal storytelling. And once again he left his mark on younger colleagues. Director Herbert Brenon would badger the 14 year old Loretta Young (ok, even creepier) when Chaney was not on the set. So, he was always present when she was working, even if he had no reason to be. For that Young said "I shall be beholden to that sensitive, sweet man until the day I die".

The movie is short (reel 4 is missing and presumed lost forever) and the story isn't anything to write Oscar about, but you can't take your eyes from Chaney. His emotive face and stage presence dominate every scene. Once again, I was totally sucked in. He appeared in a fair number of films before he died at ... about my age. Most are gone forever, but I'll try to see what's left. AMRU 4.

"Laugh, clown, laugh, even though your heart is breaking!"

Forty Naughty Girls (1937)

On the opening night of a Broadway play, the press agent is murdered. While the play is in progress, the police inspector (James Gleason) investigates while his lady friend (ZaSu Pitts) noses around.

The plot thickens, there are more murders, and the audience is comedically pointed in many different directions. All in all, Forty Naughty Girls is a fair mystery and comedy. Lets chat about Zasu.

Zasu was a silent film dramatic actress who transitioned into comedy. Her manner and voice will seem to some like a copy of Olive Oyl from the old Popeye cartoons, but in fact it's the other way around. It was Zasu who was being copied. Her name, by the way, was an apparent ploy for family peace. Two aunts wanted her named after them, so her mother named her after both. Eliza Susan. Her nicname is pronounced "Zay-soo". She had a long career in comedy and died at 69, the same as my aunt.

As said before, it's a fair comedy and mystery, better than some (I'm looking at you, Charlie Chan) but otherwise unremarkable save for Zasu's performance. It is also an excellent example of post-code movies being given a misleadingly racy title. AMRU 3.