…And God Created Woman (1954)

Orphan Juliete (Brigitte Bardot) is a wild child, both shamed and coveted equally in her village. One admirer is an old rich guy who wants to buy a shipyard so he can build a casino. Also in the mix is handsome Antoine, who is returning to St. Tropez to run his family shipyard.

Cowritten and directed by Bardot’s then husband, Roger Vadim, the film made her an international sex symbol. It was a mixed victory for Vadim as she had an affair with her costar. Their marriage would shortly come to an end. He would direct a remake in 1988 with Rebecca De Morney, to lesser success.

Isabelle Corey, hot off her introduction in Bob le Flambeur, has a small role as Juliete’s friend. Old rich guy was played by Gurd Jurgens who at the time of filming was … forty one? Jesus!

And thus France's answer to Marilyn Monroe was unleashed on the world. Typical of non-Hollywood films, the elements mentioned above don’t play out as expected. And there are elements that will be problematic for those who forget this is 1950’s France. Take it for what it is. Brigitte Bardot is absolutely unforgettable, but unfortunately the story is. AMRU 3.

The Return of the Vampire (1943)

A scientist kills a vampire in Britain back in 1918 by stabbing it with a railroad spike, as one does. Twenty five years later Nazi bombs open his coffin, the spike is accidentally removed, and Armand Tesla (Bela Lugosi) is on the loose again. I’m starting to think that these Nazi people aren’t all that great.

This was intended to be a direct sequel to the 1941 classic but Universal threatened to sue. Bela is back as Dracula in everything but name. Same costume, same accent, same mannerisms. Fairly little of the story needed to be changed to avoid court.

This movie features perhaps the worst werewolf (Matt Willis) I’ve ever seen. In man-wolf form he is polite, articulate, and completely ineffectual. Wolfie was controlled by Tesla until 1918 when he became a kind and faithful lab assistant for twenty five years without aging a day. When Tesla returns, he goes back to being a mostly useless werewolf.

This was a hard film to find. It’s not in TCM’s regular repertoire nor could I find it streaming. It doesn’t have a great reputation but it is, mostly, Bela being Dracula, and if for nothing else was interesting for that. Turns out it was available on YouTube.

The Return of the Vampire Isn't great but it's not bad by any stretch. Coming in at a brief 69 minutes, some of the dialog seems inexplicably rushed. While it pales compared to the better in the genre, it’s fairly original and very watchable. It’s also nice to see Bela as Dracula, even if by another name. AMRU 3.

Sons of the Desert (1933)

Laurel and Hardy (Laurel and Hardy), loyal members of the fraternity Sons of the Desert, take a pledge to attend their convention in Chicago. The problem is their wives won’t let them go, so the boys hatch a plan …

Early comedy great Charley Chase has a small role. He appeared in only nineteen feature films but in over 260 comedy shorts, mostly in the silent era, before dying at age 46. He is frequently considered the forth great silent film comedians after "The Big Three", but there are a few running for that title.

This is essentially a henpecked husband story. Hardy is “King in his castle” but has to resort to trickery to get what he wants, then must face the consequences when found out. A TV staple for decades, but back in 1933 it might have held a tinge of originality. Unfortunately, we must watch it with modern eyes, and the comic potential is rather limited. And, as I have asserted before, Laurel and Hardy’s comedy didn’t stand the test of time. It’s just not funny, not to me anyhow.

I noticed something about how the boys framed their bits. It was almost always with Stan on screen left and Oliver on the right. There was only one exception, when they were trying to share a tiny bed for the night. If I watch another, I will take note. Sharing a bed was a very common gag for those two. I wonder …

I’ve given the boys another chance, and again they come up short. A victim of changing tastes, or maybe because they’ve been copied by so many over the century, but they just weren’t funny or interesting. Perhaps unfair but I call them like I sees them. AMRU 2.5.

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

While doing reconnaissance after nuclear testing in the arctic (what could go wrong?) Professor Nesbitt spots a giant prehistoric beast. Nobody believes him at first, but later we follow all the conventions of the genre.

Let’s get this out of the way. 20k fathoms is 120,000 feet, or over three times the depth of the Mariana Trench. I blame Jules Verne. But keep in mind, the beast didn’t come from the ocean. It came from the Arctic ice. Never let logic get in the way of a good movie title, I suppose. Looking at you, Valley of the Zombies.

Inspired by King Kong, it may have been a primary inspiration for Godzilla. This means that our Rhedosaurus beast is the first giant whatzis to be awakened by nuclear testing. While stop motion master Ray Harryhausen worked on Mighty Joe Young four years earlier, this would be his first time as head of the effects department, and he nailed it.

Cecil Kellaway plays the kindly old Paleontologist. That was his type. Most recently I saw him in Harvey. Lee Van Cleef and James Best make brief appearances and Merv Griffin does some voice work. I saw Van Cleef but I missed the others.

The Beast is a very by-the-numbers giant whatzis movie. It plays a little loose with the science but spins an effective yarn. But the important thing is that they didn’t fail with the monster. AMRU 3.5.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (1941)

Loving couple Ann and David (Carole Lombard and Robert Montgomery) discover that their marriage three years ago was technically invalid. Marital antics ensue.

This is the second film I’ve covered recently where Cary Grant was unavailable for the lead, the first being A Foreign Affair. Oddly I have never covered any of Montgomery’s films. None of his others are even on my radar. Perhaps the only reason why I know him is because he is Elizabeth Montgomery’s dad. He would never work with Hitch again. As for Lombard, she would do only one more film before tragically dying.

The 2005 Pitt/Jolie film was very loosely inspired by this film, but it was mostly a remake of a short lived 1996 Scott Bakula TV show, where it got the espionage/assassin angle. There is also a 2007 TV movie as well as the current Donald Glover vehicle. All of these later properties wisely focused on the action elements.

Lombard convinced Alfred Hitchcock to do this film, or maybe she didn’t. Hollywood stories are to be taken with a grain of salt. While there is humor in many of Hitch’s films, this stands as his only screwball comedy. I support his decision to avoid the genre. Few laughs, little chemistry, wonky ending. If you are looking for this kind of film, consider The Palm Beach Story, Move Over Darling, or even My Favorite Wife. It was just done better. AMRU 2.5.

The Giant Claw (1957)

A civilian electronics engineer (Jeff Morrow) is flying an Air Force jet for some reason and witnesses a giant UFO. It is soon learned that the mystery object is a giant bird, as big as a battleship. Mitch and systems analyst Madam Mathematician (Mara Corday), team up to stop it.

1957 seems to be the year of the giant thing. It saw the release of Monster from Green Hell (wasps), Beginning of the End (grasshoppers), Attack of the Crab Monsters, The Monolith Monsters (rocks), The Deadly Mantis, The Black Scorpion, The Monster that Challenged the World (prehistoric mollusks), as well as two of Bert I. Gordon’s giant man movies. This trend would luckily slow down.

Longtime friends may remember Morrow as Exeter from This Island Earth, a movie I covered … holy crap, fourteen years ago! Our pretty mathematician was quite familiar with giant things that should be small, having also appeared in Tarantula and Black Scorpion.

The Giant Claw follows the convention of the genre. Threat is discovered, after initial disbelief, authorities scramble to neutralize it. A small team is assembled (including a pretty scientist), the threat appears to be invulnerable, Deus ex machina, roll credits. The acting, science, and dialog is all pretty standard, parts of it pretty good. One thing that falls short is the creature.

Filmmakers initially intended on hiring Ray Harryhausen, but budget considerations caused them to go in a different direction. That direction led them to a ridiculous looking marionette. And while it is a shame that the effects tainted what was otherwise an equal to many in the genre, it did make the film uniquely memorable. It would have otherwise been just another competent 50’s sci-fi film, not quite as good as Them!

The Giant Claw is a very watchable flick. The contrast between the seriousness of the actors and the loony puppet is quite amusing. The dialog varies between pretty good to pretty bad. It’s established that Mitch is an electronics engineer maybe a half dozen times, and characters make the battleship comparison I don’t know how many times. AMRU 3.

Thirteen Women (1932)

A “half breed” (Myrna Loy) uses her exotic eastern powers to punish the girls who bullied her back in school.

Loy appeared in The Mask of Fu Manchu the same year, also wearing ‘asian face’. I suppose she was the go-to girl for ‘exotic other’ characters. Hey, it was the 30’s. Our protagonist is played by Irene Dunne, less foolish than the other women. Because of production code edits, thirteen minutes and two of the women landed on the cutting room floor. One whose role was greatly shortened was Peg Entwistle.

Some readers have heard the story of Peg Entwistle, the young British actress whose stardom was cut short by suicide. Days after the release of Thirteen Women, she jumped from the H sign in the Hollywood hills. There is lots of speculation why, but nothing concrete. And the Steely Dan song was likely not inspired by her story.

Thirteen Women is an interestingly weird pre-code film. Shortening to a mere 59 minutes may have had the side benefit of tightening the story and quickening the pace. A lot happens in a very short time. Still, a fully restored version would really be something, if just for the lesbian subplot. AMRU 3.