The Aristocats (1970)

Rich, eccentric cat lady names her cats heir to her fortune. Faithful butler overhears this and decides to dispose of them. Duchess (Eva Gabor) and her kittens, with the help of O’Malley the Alley Cat, make the long journey home. Cartoon antics ensue.

Many great voice actors are featured here, too many to mention. June Foray was brought in to do cat screeches and Paul Winchell plays a racist stereotype. He was also Tigger. June was everybody. Monica Evans and Carole Shelley play sister geese Abigail and Amelia. They played the Pigeon sisters in The Odd Couple play, film, and TV show, and also Maid Marion and Lady Kluck in the Disney Robin Hood. 

The Aristocats is entertaining enough, and it was fun to see a film I hadn’t in several decades, but it’s a lesser Disney. I felt the story, comedy, and songs were average at best. At least it was out of my usual range. AMRU 3.

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)

Sanna and two other women are being sacrificed to a glowy thing in the sky for the crime of being born with a blonde wig. But Sanna escapes and is rescued by the handsome Tara from another tribe. He is already paired with the beautiful Ayak, but blonde wig, am I right?

Soon Sanna is cast out by her new tribe because of the glowy thing in the sky, and befriends a dinosaur. Believing her dead, Tara goes about his life of dealing with dinosaur mayhem. It’s the classic story. Cave boy meets cave girl, cave boy loses cave girl …

An unofficial sequel to One Million Years B.C., it features all the tropes of the genre. Scantily clad cave people, nonsense language, throw-away story, hominids coexisting with dinosaurs, and scenes stolen from better pictures, this time The Lost World (1960). At first I thought for a G rated film, the women were wearing some seriously PG-13 costumes. Things escalated when the costumes came off. Only the American edit was G. Still …

The stop-motion dinosaurs and their interactions with the human cast (and not the lizards in prosthetics from The Lost World) were actually quite good, resulting in an Oscar nomination. And Victoria Vetri was quite beautiful. She had a small part in Rosemary’s Baby but her career would never fully take off. She would spend six years in prison for the attempted murder of her husband.

There’s not much else to say about the film. The story really is a nothing burger, not far afield of a modern rom-com. There are quite a few of these films, but I doubt I have the stamina to watch many more. That said, I kind of enjoyed it, even if it was more than a little forgettable. AMRU 3.

Trog (1970)

Amateur spelunkers discover a brightly lit cave made out of painted styrofoam. While exploring, they come face to face with the most terrifying thing imaginable: a white dude in a rubber mask. After one is killed, they flee to tell the esteemed “Dr.” Brockton (Joan Crawford), who decides she needs it for a pet.

None-too-keen on a monster chillin’ in the area is real estate developer Sam Murdock (Michael Gough) whose initial plan is to loudly make disparaging remarks about the doctor and monster to anyone in his vicinity. His strategy slowly improves.

Towards the bottom of the sciency monster flick subgenre, here the good doctor wants to save the creature while ignorant and fearful townsfolk want it destroyed. Seeing how things pan out, maybe the townsfolk were right. And if they knew her research consisted entirely of watching the creature play with toys, I think they would have lynched her in the second act.

We go from a late career revival for Joan Crawford to her very last. She agreed to this film as a favor to friend Herman Cohen, whom she worked with in Berserk. I’ve seen a couple Cohen produced films, and while none were very memorable, they were better than this.

Here we have all the hallmarks of a low budget rush job. An uninventive story with poor to terrible sets and costumes, but the highlight is the supremely awful script. The dialog was clumsy and inconsistent, and the science abysmal. Brockton states in court that Trog (short for troglodyte, or cave-dweller) is the missing link, somehow woken from a state of suspended animation after millions of years, despite the lack of any evidence.

Oddly, the acting was not a weak point. Crawford, considering what she was given, didn’t phone it in. Same for Gough even though his character was entirely one note. Even Trog did a better than fair job emoting. And he was wearing a 2001 cast-off mask in serious disrepair and fuzzy cave-man slippers. Also, I will give the movie credit for one good jump scare. 

But this does not rise Trog above the genre. The story could have done something other than follow the cheap horror boilerplate, but it had no imagination. And including an animated dinosaur clip from another film doesn’t count. AMRU 2. What a way to end a career.

Scrooge (1970)

Grumpy old man, ghosts, Christmas spirit … and now featuring SONGS!

Ah, A Christmas Carol, we meet again. Let’s see how you stack up, shall we? Most of what I love of the Dickens story is here, but not without issues. I don’t mind additions to the original story so long as the intent is kept. The obvious example here are the songs, which, even though they didn’t charm me,  I give them a pass. The acting is good for the most part and it’s an accurate retelling. The tone, however, seemed inconsistent. Sometimes serious, sometimes goofy.

In Stave IV Scrooge doesn’t just fall on his grave, but travels to a hell resembling a bad Star Trek TOS set. Silliness ensues. Also, not a fan of Alec Guinness’ (Jacob Marley) performance. Trying to be ethereal and mysterious by moving in a stylized slow motion manner, he looked like he was cruising the strip in the Castro. Hate to say that about an actor I really respect. Forgive me Obi Wan.

Not a lot interesting to say about the film either. Scrooge’s Albert Finney was twelve years younger than the man playing his little sister's son. They called Belle ‘Isabel’ (which beats the hell out of Alice!) and made her the daughter of Old Fezziwig Himself. Alec Guinness’ musical number was cut. Should have cut a couple more.

Attractive sets, the acting good for the most part, and the musical numbers were ok, if you are into that sort of thing. The tonal inconsistency and tedious length keep Scrooge from excelling. And it needed some tightening. Fifteen minutes shorter … AMRU 3.

The Phantom Tollbooth (1970)

Milo, a bored rich kid, sits on the phone talking about how bored he is with his bored friend, when he notices a giant present for him in the other room. He pulls a lever and it turns into a tollbooth. With nothing better to do, he climbs into a toy car and drives into an animated world of adventure.

There he learns how the kingdom of letters (Dictionopolis) is feuding with the kingdom of numbers (Digitopolis), He travels to the Castle in the Air to rescue the Princesses of Rhyme and Reason. Along the way he meets a watchdog named Tick Tock, a “Whether” Man, a Spelling Bee, Faintly Macabre the “Which”, and a Mathemagician. Get the theme here?

Butch Patrick, you know, Eddie Munster, plays young Milo. The animated world contains a who’s who of 50’s and 60’s voice over actors, including Daws Butler, Hans Conried, June Foray, and of course Mel Blanc.

Finally Chuck Jones got the chance to do a feature film, and because of studio financial troubles it took forever to be released and wasn’t promoted. It’s no surprise that it wasn’t a success. He never got another opportunity.

The Phantom Tollbooth combines life lessons, amusing wordplay, and adventure. Maybe it has so many elements that it becomes muddled. Various characters and situations would benefit from more development and screen time. I can imagine a half hour TV series exploring every nook and cranny of this imaginative world. A big Chuck Jones fan, I was very happy to find this film, and enjoyed it. But maybe from high expectations, or from troubled production, I’m left feeling it falls short of great. AMRU 3.5.

“Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life.”

Catch-22 (1970)

Captain Yossarian (Alan Arkin) wants to be grounded so he tells the doctor that he is crazy. But by asking to be grounded he is proving that he is sane, as only a crazy person would want to continue flying dangerous missions. The other pilots are crazy because they want to fly, but they can't be grounded because they won't ask. But if they do, Catch-22.

Based on the Joseph Heller novel and as I understand, a fairly faithful rendition. I took my son's word. Reading books is hard. That's why I watch. The story is non-linear and must be watched to the end for it to make any sense. the screenplay was written by Buck Henry, who also wrote Mike Nichols' The Graduate. Again, I'll say it. So THAT'S why SNL kept having him appear.

Catch-22 is chuck full of familiar character actors. Bob Newhart, Jack Gilford, Norman Fell, Richard Benjamin, and even Art Garfunkel. Future heavies Martin Sheen and Jon Voight, plus heavy has-been Orson Welles. The first cinematic display of someone on a toilet included Martin Balsam (12 angry men, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and this episode of The Twilight Zone I just saw) and Anthony Perkins. The first time a toilet was shown was in Psycho, which also featured both men.

Because of it's very nature, the story cannot be described. There is an absurd, dreamlike quality, and the audience is forced to pay close attention to make sense of it all. Frequently background noise drowns out the dialog, but that's purely intentional. This is not a movie for everybody, but it was definitely a movie for me. AMRU 4. Arkin may be this country's greatest character actor.

"Whoo... That's some catch, that Catch-22.
It's the best there is."

MASH (1970)

New surgeons at a Korean war MASH unit three miles from the front subvert authority, cause chaos, and manipulate the commanding officer, while performing in extremely hostile conditions. Then they play football.

MASH is a gritty, morally ambiguous, and episodic film that captured the attention of the anti-war counterculture of 1970. Faithful to the source material, it depicted war entirely different from the heroic fantasy. When the studio complained that the soldiers were dirty, director Robert Altman, a veteran of WWII, said soldiers in war were dirty. Execs then told the filmmakers of Patton, also in production at that time, to dirty up their soldiers.

As a kid we watched M*A*S*H regularly. One new year's eve my sister and I stayed up late while my parents were out (people did that back then!) and we watched the movie on network TV (they bleeped out "god" in "god damn"). I could not reconcile this film with the show, and it takes a careful adult eye to see the transition. Each character was groomed for 70's TV audiences, and the protagonists became for family friendly (Hawkeye became unmarried). Tom Skerritt as the slightly racist southerner was cut altogether. Kept was the idea that enemy wounded also deserved care, as well as a general mistreatment of women.

There is definitely an Altman style and few films represent it better than this. The dialog is layered as in real life, and the story is non-linear (both "fixed" for TV). I can't say that I am in love with his style, but I do have respect. And it was fun to see this old friend again with my son. He has been humming the theme ever since. AMRU 4.

"I'd dearly love to see that angry!"

The Dunwich Horror (1970)

Wizened professor Armitage (Ed Begley Jr's dad) is studying the occultist book The Necronomicon and entrusts hot air-headed student (Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee) to return it to the protective glass case. But creepy stranger Al ... I mean Wilbur Whateley (Dean Stockwell) wants to paw his hands on it and Dee thinks what harm could it do? Killjoy Armitage arrives in the nick of time and puts an end to playtime.

But Wilbur is not so easily deterred. Young Wilbur wants to complete his Dad's work, that he was summarily executed for. That is, to bring the Old Ones back. All he needs is an evil book of the occult and a hot, air-headed chick. So he uses his blank stare and porn movie fro and stash to charm Nancy into returning with him to his spooky old house in the spooky old village of Dunwich. Armitage to the rescue!

Ed Begley Jr's dad died about three months after the movie's release and old friend Sam Jaffee (from The Day the Earth Stood Still) played Grandpa Whateley, not one of his more memorable rolls. Hey, and Talia Shire (Rocky and some mobster movie) had a small, forgettable roll.

H.P. Lovecraft's famous short story is turned into a Lovecrafty generic horror movie. Dee supposedly had a nude scene but I didn't see it, and wasn't going to rewind to look for it. The unbearably cheesy opening titles set the tone for this draggy and mostly uninteresting film. What? Roger Corman was involved? Couldn't be! AMRU 2.5.

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

How sexy horror is done right. Well, mostly. Ingrid Pitt is a vampire that somehow gets entreated into the home of rich people with hot daughters. She gains the trust of said daughter, then proceeds to get it on, Vampire style. Mostly that means bite her and make everybody wonder what is making their precious daughter so sick. Peter Cushing plays dad #1.

I'm sure I've seen others, but since blogging this is the first Hammer film. Lush but cheesy sets and costumes, clumsy dialog, sexy sub-plot. I watch worse. Controversial when it came out because of the lesbian subtext (she bites girls on their boob!), it is barley soft core by today's standards.

Here are a few things I want to make fun of: Ingrid Pitt (Marcilla/Carmilla/Mircalla), while hot, was way older than the 19 years her gravestone had her out. Vampirism takes a bit out of you, I suppose. The title presumes that two vampires are in love. Actually one vampire is trying to seduce the daughters, but their real motive is blood. Am I being picky? Am I? Yes, Fred, you are being picky.

I enjoyed it, but have to say if fell flat in the horror department. It read more like a costume drama with bad dialog. Still, I give it an AMRU 3.