Houseboat (1958)

A terrible dad (Cary Grant) tries to reconnect with his three children after his estranged wife dies, so he takes them to his undersized Washington DC bachelor pad. There one of the boys meets with a young woman (Sophia Loren) who is rebelling against her dad. He needs a housekeeper and she a job, so she is hired. Implausible comic mischief has them living on a dilapidated houseboat.

This is a pretty standard rom-com so we know the dashing 54 year old will end up with the beautiful 24 year old, and we are never to feel weird about that. In reality she and the married Grant had been dating since they both appeared in The Pride and the Passion. He accepted this role trying to keep the relationship alive, but she had moved on to dating the married Carlo Ponti, who was merely twenty two years her senior. Grant tried and failed to back out of the film. Maybe this is why their chemistry isn’t what it could have been. Ponti divorced his wife and married Loren by proxy during the filming. Five years later they would divorce, take a four year break, then remarry.

Murray Hamilton, you know, the mayor in Jaws, has a smallish role as a low grade jerk. Somewhere in there is a young Barbara Steele in her first film role. I never saw her. Martha Hyer was charming as the red-herring love interest. She shows up from time to time (most recently in Born to Kill) but I never before took notice.

It’s a little known fact that dialog spoken by children in movies is actually written by adults. And by little known, I mean very obvious. But it wasn’t more obvious than by listening to Grant’s three children. It was conspicuous how non-childlike they spoke. You might be tempted to attribute their less than naturalistic performance to their age, but all three were already acting veterans. This was apparently a decision.

Grant wasn’t very likable and as mentioned there wasn’t great chemistry between the leads, but it isn’t without its charm. In the past I may have awarded Houseboat a passing grade, but I am growing tired of by-the-numbers Hollywood dribble. AMRU 2.5.

Guys and Dolls (1955)

Gangster Nathan Detroit (Frank Sinatra) is trying to organize an underground poker game, but for some reason can’t afford the rent on a location. So he makes a bet with high-roller Sky Masterson (Marlon Brando) that he can’t go on a “date” with a woman of his choosing. Sky agrees and Nathan chooses  the prudish do-gooder, Sarah Brown (Jean Simmons).

What is hyper-realistic, non-singing Marlon Brando doing in a hyper-stylized musical? I understand Sinatra was annoyed at losing the lead to Brando, whom he called Mumbles. I’m strongly in Sinatra’s camp here. Brando seemed like he was in a different movie.

Old friend Sheldon Leonard is here. I have realized that his and the other gangsters’ non-use of contractions is used by the legitimate businessmen in The Simpsons. In fact, Fat Tony is a dead-on impersonation of Sheldon’s Harry the Horse. Jean Simmons is new to me and I found her quite charming.

Guys and Dolls is has a pretty nonsensical story. Some of the musical numbers were tedious and I found the distinct and unique style was a bit off-putting, but in the end I came around, mostly. The numbers that worked, worked. I find my view softening the more time that passes since I watched it. I really want to give it a 3, but, what the hell. AMRU 3.5.

Lady on a Train (1945)

When travelling to New York, young Nikki (Deanna Durbin) believes she witnesses a murder outside her train window. The police don’t take her seriously so she enlists the help of her favorite mystery writer, as one does.

IMDb classifies this movie as noir, which it is not. But I watched it because it was supposed to be a Christmas movie, which it is not. While set during Christmas time, the season is nothing more than set dressing. Christmas is the theme, not just the decor.

Deanna Durbin came up through the ranks with Judy Garland. She did the same kind of fluff pieces, musical comedies with a tinge of romance. And these light films became very profitable, pulling Universal out of the red. She would eventually eclipse Garland and even Shirley Temple to become the number one box office draw for a few years. But more serious roles were not forthcoming so after twenty one feature films and 28 years of age, she retired. She has since slipped into obscurity, none of her films remembered much today.

Dan Duryea and that Ralph Bellamy fellow are brothers disinherited by their deceased uncle. Duryea played a smarmy and malevolent character similar to his role in Winchester '73. Bellamy took a ten year break from Hollywood after this film then went on to an impressive late career resurgence. Character actor Edward Everett Horton shows up here. Very distinctive in style, he has appeared in a great deal of films.

The “Think they witness/nobody believes” is such a common trope that it could be a genre unto itself. Rear Window comes to mind but if you think of a protagonist exclaiming “Why won’t anyone believe me!”, ask yourself what movie you heard that in. For me, it’s quite a few.

Essentially a crime mystery comedy, Lady on a Train is an entertaining if not thought provoking watch. Because Durbin’s fans came to hear her sing, they inserted three songs that the film would have been better without. Durbin was quite charming and the story holds your interest. Not noir, not really a Christmas movie, but a mystery that allows the observant viewer enough details to figure it out. Glad I watched it. AMRU 3.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

The children of Mars are acting strange. They are listless and without appetite. All they do is homework, watch Earth television, and sleep. After talking with a mysterious space wizard, the Martian leader decides to kidnap Santa to solve their parenting problems for them.

Pia Zadora, the 80’s Paris Hilton, appears on screen for the first time. She plays Martian girl Girmar. Her brother is named Bomar. Her mom? Well, that would be Momar, naturally. Pia doesn’t have much to do except act listless. She may have been overqualified for the role.

The intended message was that kids need to be kids. You know, all work and no play. Unfortunately, the message delivered is that children must be showered with material goods and kidnapping is an appropriate way to go about it. This highlights the fact that it was a very slap-dash production. Some sets and props were fine, considering, but the makeup looks like it was applied in a hurry by someone who doesn’t know how to apply makeup.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is renowned as a supremely terrible film. IMDb ranks it as 42nd worst film of all time, and if you consider only films released before 2000, it jumps to seventh place. The plot is dumb, the sets and costumes are decidedly low budget (don’t get me started on the polar bear!), and the message is questionable. But truth be told, it wasn’t that bad of a film. The plot and acting were very silly but it’s a kids movie. There is plenty to goof on and the overuse of stock footage and exposition makes it a bit tedious, but I’ve watched far worse. Make no mistake, it is a bad film. I can’t even recommend it to its target audience. There are far too many fair to good Christmas movies to waste time with this one. But it’s not at the Manos level, and isn’t even the worst Christmas special. AMRU 2.5.

Born to Kill (1947)

A floozy wants to get her tough underworld-type boyfriend (Lawrence Tierney) jealous, so she goes out with a young sap. He responds by killing them. The bodies are found by a woman (Claire Trevor) who considers calling the police, but has a train to catch. So does the murderer, who takes a fancy to her.

Truth be told, I selected this film because I saw Lawrence Tierney’s name and mistook it for Gene. I’m glad I did. Lawrence was an interesting chap. Violent and hot-headed in real life, he was perfectly cast as the violent and hot-headed Sam. His career is pockmarked with confrontations and bar fights. It’s a wonder his career lasted as long as it did, not to mention his life.

Gritty and pessimistic, this is not the kind of film I expect from Robert Wise. No doubt a talented director, but even his horror films tend to exhibit a certain optimism. Elisha Cook Jr. is great as usual as Sam’s buddy, and I must blurb on Walter Slezak sometime, but today my attention is drawn to Claire Trevor. We’ve crossed paths a few times but I’ve never taken the time to notice her. Here she is the object of desire but a year later she gets slapped around in Key Largo. Eight years prior she was a hooker with a heart of gold in Stagecoach. She was fantastic here and I must pay her closer attention in the future.

Born to Kill may be a non-traditional noir, but make no mistake, noir it is. And I thoroughly enjoyed every scene, never knowing precisely where the story leads. I could quibble with a few story elements, but noir tends to have an element of fantastic realism. It was a fun watch. AMRU 4.