This film has it all. A blue room, a secret, what more could you want? A score would be nice. Inspired by the success of The Old Dark House, it was shot on the same set and also featured Stuart in the romantic lead. Some folks will remember her as Old Rose from that sunken boat rom-com. Old friend Lionel Atwilll is her dad.
Secret of the Blue Room was not on my radar. Never even heard of it. Perhaps I read the synopsis and impulse recorded it, then completely forgot. Or maybe I had a DVR glitch. Either way, it was recorded, watched, and I enjoyed it. Well, within reason. Creaky, clumsy, and dated, it lacks a certain internal logic, but that describes most B pictures of the era. I went into it knowing what to expect, it held my interest, and, at 66 minutes, didn't overstay its welcome. AMRU 3.
Bad guys are dispatched by other bad guys with such frequency that it’s hard to figure out what is really going on. In actuality, that doesn’t matter. Bond sleepwalks into dangerous situations without a plan, gets into trouble, then is implausibly saved. Bond Girl Tiffany Case (Jill St. John) starts on the bad side but soon succumbs to Bond’s “charm”.
So too does Lana Wood’s Plenty O’Tool, both on screen and off. Wood and St. John had a long standing feud because Connery “dated” both during production. Lana, sister of Natalie Wood, and St. John have more reason for animosity. Jill is married to Robert Wagner, Natalie’s husband at the time of her death. During a 2017 interview, Lana said she believes Wagner murdered her sister.
Jimmy Dean, the sausage guy, was apparently an actor, portraying a Howard Hughes analog. Dean was an employee of Hughes at the time making that a bit awkward. But the most memorable part of this mostly unremarkable Bond film are the assassins Kidd and Wint. They neither look nor behave like you’d expect of a Bond villain. Also, it is heavily implied that they were a couple. So, it isn’t bad enough that they were remorseless murderers, they also were the G-A-Y! Hey, it was the 70’s.
Diamonds also features an apparent stunt gaff. In order to fit his Mustang through a narrow alley, Bond hits a ramp and balances his car on the right two wheels. But when he exits, the car is on the left. A quick, unconvincing scene was spliced in showing Bond turn the steering wheel to move the car to the other side.
Perhaps the most forgettable of the early Bonds, Diamonds are Forever still manages to do what Bond films do. It’s visually interesting and holds your interest, so long as you don’t think about it very much. AMRU 3.
