Saturday, January 2, 2010

Movies of 2009

I went to a theater exactly three times in 2009, all in the first half. When my boys were younger, I used to joke saying I only saw movies about a young wizard. Soon, even that ended. Here is what I got to see:

Race to Witch Mountain. I vaguely remember watching the originals back in the day. A theater in East Providence has bargain matinees and we took advantage of it. This movie cost us five bucks. In total.

In the original, the two magical kids captivated audiences and the actors went on to illustrious careers like playing townsfolk in this turd of a movie. Thing to note: if you are trying to get away from an assassin in a super high-tech flying saucer, all you need apparently is a beat up taxi cab.

Star Trek. In this instalment of the never-ending mission to extract money from geeks, Kirk and friends exist in a parallel time line. See, now we don't have to follow any of the rules of the old series and movies. If they want to kill off Chekov, then KA-POW! In this parallel time line, Uhura is HOT! Go figure.

Night at the Museum - Battle of the Smithsonian. We liked the original. It had great action and was funny. This was almost as exciting. And almost as funny. In the end, we liked it almost as much. In the film Amelia Earhart likes men and is hot in tight pants. Amy Adams' ass is almost worth the price of admission right there.

That's it. Three visits to a movie theater in one year. I did hit the Providence Public Library, but that doesn't count.

I did watch a few 2009 releases on video. I just know you are dying to find out what I think of them:

Julie & Julia. Hey, Amy Adams again! Sadly, without her coveted butt. A cooking movie for my wife. We both liked it and she ended up getting the DVD for Christmas.

Star Trek. Uhura is HOT! Another gift for the wife.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. First movie where I didn't read the book first. I declared myself through with the series. A whole lot of snogging going on. Wife wanted this, but didn't get it.

Inglourious Basterds. Not for the wife. She hates Tarantino, even though we both loved Pulp Fiction. Two-thirds of the movie is subtitled and rather than put them on the black part at the bottom of the screen, they are in the picture. In some cases they were up for an instant even though there were two lines to read. Comeon, Quint! Give me a break!

Fast paced, gratuitously violent, unexpectedly quirky, everything you come to expect from the man.

Angels and Demons. I liked this book better then Da Vinci Code, but there were a couple plot points that were really stupid. Luckily, Opie Cunningham agreed and they weren't in this film. Never saw The Da Vinci Code movie. This was fair. Seems that Tom Hanks isn't searching for an Oscar vehicle anymore.

Saw some other movies on DVD, but the only one worth mentioning is 2007's The Man From Earth. Consider looking into it.

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