Middle aged privates Philbrick and Penn are ordered to investigate a cave opened up by an nuclear test explosion and discover space aliens and their diabolic plot in this Abbot and Costello comedy. The parts of Abbot and Costello are played by Frankie Ray and Robert Ball. Never heard of them? Well, that's because they suck.
I watched this movie as a challenge. They are calling it Project Terrible. Some of us movie bloggers are challenging each other to watch some of the worst movies available. This is my punishment.
Philbrick and Penn are commanded by the clueless Colonel Rank (groan) and joined by a stupid Sargent who speaks only in beatnik lingo. An exercise in restraint, this is not. Combining the goal of being funny in every single inch of footage with a lousy script and bad acting is a recipe for disaster. Penn does bad impressions of James Cagney and Peter Lorre that wouldn't make his school chums laugh while they rehash Stooge bits and even channel Scooby Do. If you are going to steal other people's bits, do them well at least. This movie was so bad I was surprised Roger Corman wasn't at the helm. But, apparently screenwriter Jonathan Haze was a longtime bud of the schlockmister.
Anyhow the two aliens are seven foot tall babes. Well, 6'2" attractive women. Ok, 5'9" ok looking chicks in high heels, but next to our shrimpy heroes they seem like hot amazons. Their henchmen are "vegimen", non-thinking plant based creatures. Yea, that's right. Ripped off from The Thing from Another World.
At this point I'd like to apologize to the Native Americans in the audience. Your people were the victim of European imperialism and you and your culture paid a dear price that can never be reconciled. In addition, after your subjugation, your culture and values were mocked and insulted in the popular media. Please don't watch this movie. It will not make you happy.
Having said that, I'm giving this movie the elevated rating of AMRU 2. Why so incredibly high? Yes, the acting was bad. The comedy was unfunny and unoriginal. The zero restraint made any scene with comic potential fall flat. But, it had some good points. The technical aspects were well done. The pace was good, the shots were well blocked, and the video quality was fine.
Plus one more thing. My three boys laughed their asses off.
Consider yourself lucky. You get a cheesy B-Movie, while I get French zombies molesting a woman. Count your blessings. :-)
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, this one sounds like it should be fun enough. I can't wait until you get into 3-D...
Hmm... Despite your rating, I might actually now be curious enough to see it! If I find Santa Clause Conquers the Martians, in all of its horrible-ness, entertaining enough to see twice, maybe I'll find this one funny. Especially with a group of friends and perhaps some good drinks?
ReplyDeleteDrinks are a definate. Some of it was actually funny, so maybe I was being a little too harsh. There is bad-stupid and then there is bad-unwatchable. It wasn't unwatchable, but it had stupid in spades.
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