Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)

Tomatoes, the garden variety kind, start killing people. Let me stop you right there. You’ve already thought about this film more than it deserves.

Super low budget film made by complete amateurs. Most principles involved have few other credits, and mostly ones that feature murderous produce. A popular cult film, I likely saw it in the 80’s but remembered little. I remembered giant tomatoes, dumb jokes, and bad acting. Well, maybe I did remember something. There really is little else here.

An early scene shows a helicopter crash that clearly was unintentional. Apparently, the loss of the rental cost about two thirds of the film’s entire budget. Good thing they got the shot. The actors improvised dialog while pulling the pilot to safety. Yikes!

In the subgenre of low budget dumb comedy, think what was the lowest budget and dumbest comedy you ever saw. Now know that Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is it’s king. The jokes include a Japanese character (being clumsily dubbed ala Godzilla, of course) knocks a picture of the USS Arizona into an aquarium. Or a paratrooper who spends the entire movie running around in his jumpsuit with his chute out. Pop culture references standing in as jokes, and silliness for silliness’ sake. I mean, the main character is named Mason Dixon.

Based on a short film, I think the filmmakers were trying to channel the spirit of films like the much higher budgeted and professionally made Rocky Horror Picture Show. Here's an interesting fact: the terrible music in the film was performed by a teenaged Matt Cameron of Soundgarden and Pearl Jam fame. That's all I got for trivia.

I found Attack of the Killer Tomatoes hard to watch. None of it was funny, clever, or particularly interesting. It tried hard to be ridiculous rather than coming by it honestly. No point of view, no commentary on current events, just mindless foolishness. That said, my son liked it. AMRU 2.

Black Legion (1937)

Frank (Humphrey Bogart) loses out on a promotion to a polish immigrant just because, and get this, he is smart and hard working. Go figure! Frank is fed up and learns about this secret club called the Black Legion where hard working Americans fight back against this sort of thing! Racism is bad, hmmm kay!

The Black Legion (the club, not the movie) is a thinly disguised version of the Ku Klux Klan. The actual klan, in fact, sued the studio. Not for defamation of character, but for use of their symbols. Gotta have priorities. The Legion’s crimes are quite extreme. They kidnap and flog people, or burn down their house and run them out of town. If they burned crosses, maybe the Klan’s suit would have gone someplace.

Dick Foran played Frank's good friend who tries to lead him straight. He had a long career in many westerns, but I remember him from Bogart's Petrified Forest and a couple mummy films. Hottie Ann Sheridan has an early, small role. She would stand out in The Man Who Came to Dinner.

The Black Legion (the movie, not the club) is a little heavy handed with the message. Good people are all good, bad people are all bad, and Bogart’s Frank is the good guy led astray. I am curious how effective this kind of message worked during the era. In reality things are more complicated, and a message rejected outright by the audience that needs it most is of little value. But this is movies, not reality. And as a movie, it was meh. Bogart always raises the level of everything he is in. AMRU 2.5.

Black lives matter, our society does not value them equally, and that is wrong.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

A clean cut teen couple, after making out in a car parked on a local farm, accidentally hits a space alien. The cops dismiss the alcohol-soaked kid’s story and the Air Force tries to cover up the flying “saucer”.

Initially intended as a straight sci-fi, they added comedic music and cool daddy-o dialog in an attempt to garner the ha-ha’s as well. This worked out about as well as expected. It’s a problem that we never get a good look at the Morbo-inspired aliens and the so-called saucer better resembles the bat mobile. Speaking of which, Frank Gorshin of Riddler fame plays a drifter trying to profit off of the LGMs. He may have been the best part of the film.

These low-budget, straight to drive-in films are a guilty pleasure of mine. I gave sub-3 scores to a couple I watched recently but truth be told, I enjoyed them. They are dumb, poorly acted, and sometimes racist, but I love them. The problem here is that the attempt at humor undercut any tension making the film pretty much pointless. There is little story outside of “Look! Aliens!” and they spent time introducing the Air Force characters to only stick in front of the ship with the direction “Act silly”. This doesn’t work.

I’m giving this thing only a half point lower than the others, but the difference in enjoyment is vast. The comedy isn’t funny, the aliens aren’t scary, and most damningly, the movie isn’t interesting. AMRU 2.

My Fair Lady (1964)

A cockney flower girl (Audrey Hepburn) overhears a linguistics professor (Rex Harrison) boast he could teach her to speak proper enough English to work in a regular flower shop. The following day she arrives at his home to take him up on the offer. He bets his colleague that in six months he could pass her off as a lady at a royal ball. The game is afoot.

Audrey Hepburn was charming as hell, but wow was she miscast. I don’t believe her for a second as a cockney. Harrison reprised his role from the Broadway musical but the studio felt Julie Andrews was too much of an unknown to play Eliza on the big screen, which wasn’t wrong. Even if asked, she was busy working on her first feature film. One complaint about the 35 year old Hepburn was that she was too old for the role. Again, not wrong as Eliza was twenty one. Nobody seemed to bat an eye, however, at the borderline elderly Harrison as the leading man. Ah, Hollywood!

At two hours fifty, My Fair Lady wasn’t too much of a chore to sit through. The only parts that dragged were the songs. I recognized some not realizing where they were from. Not being my thing, cutting ninety seconds from each song might be a good way to take ten or so minutes from the runtime.

In the end I was charmed by My Fair Lady. That’s not to say I don’t have my issues. Harrison’s Professor Higgins has no character arc. He starts as a pompous, self important ass and ends the same but “accustomed to her face”. Can you think of anything less romantic? The story is about social mobility. Eliza Doolittle is a misfit and knows it. This bothers her, but our professor is also a social outcast and is oblivious. His wealth, education, and position forgive his lack of social grace. He treats people poorly and doesn’t understand why that’s a problem.

The story in my head is of Eliza realizing she need not covet the respect of the idle rich and come to accept who she is. She needs diction but it’s Higgins who requires the personal growth. But that is not our story and it’s no use criticizing a film for its source material. But I still chafe at a young woman returning to the embrace of a jerk for him to treat poorly. Besides, Colonel Pickering seemed to be his true love.

My Fair Lady was a fantastic success. A big production movie with some genuinely good moments. It made a ton of money and earned eight Oscars, including best picture. Not for best actress, though. That went to Julie Andrews. AMRU 3.5.

The Seventh Seal (1957)

Upon his return from the Crusades, Antonius Block (Max von Sydow) is greeted by Death. Unafraid to die, he challenges Death to a game of chess to give him time to find answers. The game is played over several days while Block questions his faith and meets up with other travelers on his way home. Plague has ravaged the countryside and Death’s influence is everywhere.

With someone with the art house/film school reputation of Bergman, I find it surprising how lighthearted much of his films are. Surely there are themes that warrant extended thought and discussion, but The Seventh Seal, like Wild Strawberries, is very watchable. His squire, the travelling performers, the unfaithful wife, the jealous husband, all serve both as comic relief and as foils to our dour Crusader. Block, unlike his companions, needs answers. Answers that even Death himself cannot give.

Also surprising is how low budget the film appears. The period costumes have the reductive appearance of quickly made cosplay garb and the sets were almost nonexistent. Still, this does not detract from the narrative. In fact it lends to the desolate feel of the film.

Younger viewers will remember von Sydow as the Three Eyed Raven and older viewers will remember him as the old priest in The Exorcist, but he appeared in a ton of stuff. Seriously, look him up. His CV is amazing.

At once haunting and comical, simple yet enigmatic, The Seventh Seal (a reference to the book of Revelations) almost demands a second watch and discussion with friends. Had I any that's exactly what I would do. AMRU 4.

Paths of Glory (1957)

During the first world war a general (George Macready) is convinced by central command (Aldophe Menjou) to attack a strategic position despite the casualties and futility. When things fall apart, three men stand trial as scapegoats. Their Colonel (Kirk Douglas) defends them.

Aldophe Menjou is just as much of a scoundrel as he was twenty five years earlier in The Front Page, if somewhat less charming. He has been in a ton of stuff and I’m surprised we haven’t crossed paths more. He would have made an excellent Hercule Poirot. Speaking of path crossing, this is only the second film I’ve seen George Macready in, the first being Gilda.

Joe Turkel (The Shining, Blade Runner) plays a private, but I don’t remember him. A young Richard Anderson (Forbidden Planet, Six Million Dollar Man) is here. I saw him at ComiCon just before he passed. He wanted $100 for an autograph and wouldn’t even look up to engage the fans. This is the other Kubrick film with Timothy Carey. He was disruptive, faked his own kidnapping, and was fired. They used a body double in some scenes. So, yea, my opinion of him hasn’t changed.

Half war film, half courtroom drama, Paths of Glory is spectacular. Kubrick brought the script to Kirk Douglas who knew he must make the film. Studios, being all about the Benjamins, weren’t so hot on the property. In the end everyone was right. Kirk for how good and important the film would be and the studios on how much it would make. TCM host Ben Mankiewicz called it Kubrick's greatest film, and one could make an argument. It's definitely Kubrick's first great film and stands well with the rest. I have The Killing a 4 so I feel compelled to bump Paths of Glory to 4.5. It was the best film I saw in a long while. At least for the blog.