Four astronauts on their way to a space station find it under attack by, I’m guessing, Chuck Jones. It is destroyed, our heroes are thrown off course, and land on a frozen world. Because the gravity is about the same as Earth, they know that the atmosphere would naturally be breathable. So, they venture out into a lush tropical jungle and wonder if there is any life on the planet. Man, is the science wonky here.
Let’s set our expectations appropriately. Four astronauts land on a planet entirely peopled by hot chicks in mini-skirts. Front loading the story with The Martian-level science wasn’t going to happen. This is pure male fantasy and wish fulfillment. If there is a moral to this story, it’s that a woman’s life has no purpose unless she has a man to, I don’t know, make sandwiches for. Besides, women? Run things?
The majority of sarcastic comments come from one particular astronaut allowing the others to roll their eyes in implied superiority. See, we’re not so bad because we aren’t as bad as him. Doesn’t work, though, because they are all guilty to some degree. Besides, our chauvinist never learns a hint of a lesson. In fact, clueless seems to be the defining characteristic for them all. They are sentenced to death by a people with vastly superior technology, and never take their situation seriously.
Zsa Zsa Gabor plays a scientist who leads an insurrection to overthrow the queen, which is amazing timing for our heroes. There is a story that Zsa Zsa became very difficult on set because the crew were ogling the younger actresses instead of ogling her. I really hope that’s true.
I’m not going to camouflage the fact that I unironically enjoyed Queen of Outer Space. It wasn’t original, well acted, or clever. The sets look pretty good but they were all borrowed from World Without End, a better film I liked less because it tried to be taken seriously. The launch footage was lifted directly from NASA stock footage (and played in the wrong aspect ration), then show a completely different looking rocket once in space. Maybe I found it charming because it dared to be this dumb. It was easy to watch and afforded me some good laughs. AMRU 3. I am not ashamed.
"Twenty-six million miles from Earth, and the little dolls are just the same."
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